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Is it OK for my teen daughter to dress and act like a boy?

I have a 13 y/o daughter who insists on purchasing her clothes from the boy section f the store. She wears her hair long but does nothing with it. And she really makes it a point to pose herself in the way a male would (ie- the way she carries herself when she walks, lowering her voice and deepening it),

She claims she dresses from the boys section because the clothes are more modest. I am a modest person as well and do not shop the men's section. I really feel like there is more to it. When I attempt to breech the subject with her, it usually results in a fight.

Alittle extra extra background, her bio-father and I are divorced and I have remarried. That does cause extra friction.

 
gbrewster

Asked by gbrewster at 8:33 AM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (94 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • My daughter did that in middle school and continued it until adulthood. She just enjoys dressing that way. Now she is in a long term relationship, has four children, a college degree and doing well. She still dresses like a guy but she's comfortable in her skin. btw, she's modest too. She won't even wear a bathing suit without a guy's shirt over it!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:10 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Just leave her be. *If* there is anything to it other than a phase she wil l share it with you when she is ready. Leave her alone the more you force the subject the more she is going to resent you and not want to talk to you about anything.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:49 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like it's one of the "pick your battles' moments.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:28 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • You and her father being divorced more than likely has nothing to do with how she choses to dress....

    However, she's a teen. She's trying to figure out "who she is". Her dressing like a boy isn't wrong. I used to do it when I was a teen, and I turned out just fine--in my late teens I started dressing like a girl again... Let her have her style. If you don't, she'll just resent you for it.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 8:36 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • let her dress the way she wants. At least she's not begging to wear skimpy questionable outfits. She might grow out of it eventually. You could get some girls clothes you think are modest to see if she would like them. I wore boy clothes when I was her age.. but I also had three brothers so a lot of the time it was hand me downs and hand me ups lol
    anthonys_mom21

    Answer by anthonys_mom21 at 8:36 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I still would rather buy shirts from the guy's section, I don't really do anything with my hair, I guess I am still an adult tom boy. But I have a great husband, great kids and I still get annoyed by my mother trying to change me.
    Bubbie0809

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 8:47 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • At 13 alot of girls go through this stage. I would not stress about it unless it is some sort of drastic change for her. I know for instance if my girls who are really girly did it I might be concerned, but if she has always been modest and worn similar clothes then what can you do? I would maybe try and compromise with her and show her how to act and dress like a girl while allowing her to pick her clothes. I know at 13 is when my aunt sat me down and did my hair and showed me how to put on make up. My mom never did any of that with me.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:54 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • My DD is like this and I handle it like this, she is allowed to pick out something she likes from the boy section but she also has to pick out something (reasonable) from the girl section that she will wear. it has been working and more and more she is buying girl clothes and leaving the boy stuff alone..
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 8:51 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Embrace her personality for what it is now and you'll have a much better relationship with her. If you make something as insignificant as clothes an issue, then won't everything be an issue. She's not behaving inappropriately by wanting a more masculine look. It takes some girls more time to come to terms with their body, just let her go at her own pace. It is also important that she knows that you are ok with her, no matter how she looks. Get over your ideal of what you think a young girl should look like. Just accept her for who she wants to be right now.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 9:53 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • It is ok for he to be herself and wear what she wants as long as it is not indecent.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:22 AM on Apr. 10, 2011