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2 Bumps

Ghost friend

How do you handle a friend that is more like a ghost than a friend. I have had a friend for about 13+ years and the past like 2 we have not been close at all. Well when she found out I was pregnant she started coming around a lot and saying how we wont go that long with out talking again. Well she has kinda done it again and disappeared. The last time I talked to her was a month ago at my baby shower. I am getting tired of having to deal with it, am I wrong for wanting to kinda tell her how I feel and be done with it. Now do not get me wrong, I know people have lives and have their own things going on and I can completely understand that. However, I send a simple hello to see how she and her kids are doing and she cant't even reply and say they are fine. Or she will post something and say how much she hates life and how she is over it all and I get worried and she does not say a thing to me. I think there is an issue there.
Am I wrong for being completely over it all and saying that to her??

Answer Question
 
annabelle092810

Asked by annabelle092810 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,668 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Sounds like she is HIGHLY depressed and she is doing the exact opposit of what depressed people should do. She is shutting herself in. She thinks she needs to be alone and handle it on her own. (I speak from experience)..
    Show up at her house one day and just tell her how much you miss her being around so often and offer the support and love friendship offers. She may or may not lighten up, but at least she can see the effort.
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:22 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • i kinda know about the ghost friend. my supposed best friend of 11 years, since i was 15 and she was 13, started acting like that when we got into college. and always cancelled plans and then would call to tell me why she was a bad friend...because of her depression. it turned out, i found after we reconciled after a huge falling out, that she was addicted to the medication that her therapist has prescribed her and she was hiding that. she would take her pills with alcohol and she was severely depressed and i found out she did that ghost friend thing with all of her friends and even her parents. i would definitely do what the person above said. and it is so hard to try and love someone and show them support in that state of mind but it is worth it. she is no longer on medication and she's not depressed any more. my friend is no longer a ghost friend. good luck :) i know that it hurts
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 10:38 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Besides what Abusybee says, tell her you are worried about her. Try to get her out of the house, go for a walk, go to the park, have a picnic lunch, take her to lunch. Tell her you are there for her. Try to get her to talk. Listen to what she has to say. Try to not comment unless she asks you something. Let her get it all out,. Good luck.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:39 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I agree with everyone else, it sounds like she is suffering from depression with some social anxiety disorder - there was a time I couldn't leave my home unless someone came and forced me out. So, if you can, try to get her to do something with you even if it's just going for a walk as was mentioned above.
    mamamel61

    Answer by mamamel61 at 10:54 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • The only issue ladies is more, we live 2-3 hours apart and I know for the fact she is not depressed. This is how she is. Unless she is stressed out and having a fight with her husband she does not contact me. She is always out and about with her friends from where she lives bc she post things all the time. She is all about what is going in her own life rather than care about the friends who have been there for her the most! She seriously only wants to talk to me when she is having an issue in her life!! Im kinda tired of bein a friend of convenience
    annabelle092810

    Comment by annabelle092810 (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • "I know for the fact she is not depressed."

    Trust me, you DO NOT know that for a fact. I've suffered from depression since I was a teen, and believe me, when I want to hide it, I can hide it and make sure no one knows. It's not easy, but it can be done. And you cannot know, without being inside her head (and that'll never happen) what she feels/thinks inside.

    You have to do what you feel is best. If you want to write her off, no one can stop you. But it is possible she is depressed. As for being "out and about" with her friends where she lives...well, she can't go out with you if you're 2-3 hours away, can she? And maybe she calls you because those friends are only good for going out, not for the important stuff.

    I'd think hard before you write her off.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:27 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

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