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Boys/and my daughter

My daughter just in the last few months has had many guys dump her or her friends will say something that will make the guy dump her,I've tried to tell my daughter that boys in junior high are not ready or mature enough to be boyfriend material. Theirs lots of guys in junior high that are cute but she shouldn't be going through all the boys. I've seen tons of guys ask her out and it seems like she goes for it. Is their something I'm missing how do I counsel with her to tell her she needs to stop? She can't keep going through all these boys she needs to wait till she is emotionally ready. She is only 13 I'm scared she will do something she will regret like have sex with a boy. I know your gonna say that she is a teenager and she is gonna do whatever behind our backs. Well I need to trust my daughter to make the right choice. She says she doesnt like to be alone with boys,and she says whenever I have the sex talk,she says she isnt like that.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Girls that age can be mean, but backing off from the "boyfriend" scene could limit at least one way they have of getting to your daughter. Not having to deal with that right now could make her life a lot easier.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:45 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I agree that she needs to stop. I'd be concerned with her need to do this. I did the same thing at that age and it was for attention and due to low self esteem. I didn't have sex with them but craved their attention. Perhaps you could help build her self esteem and remind her that it could lead to a bad reputation. Sometimes going through boys like that leaves an assumption she's having sex with them all. I know that's not fact but nowadays people think youngsters are having sex every time they talk with a new guy. However, that assumption could be why the guys are swarming. They may have heard she will and when she won't they leave but try telling the school mates that she's not. Tell her it's up to her to protect her own reputation. Heck she still has years of school to go through. Maybe she can hang with groups of coeds. That way she can still hang with guys but not look so desperate. That's what I ended up doing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Kids will say they are not like that....but as soon as the opportunity becomes available... it many times does happen.... I would put birth control in your house....condoms...spermicide... ect..... and make sure she knows it is there............................and also let her know. your feelings... but just because we don't want them to have sex....doesn't mean they wont....most kids DO.... I just believe its better they have access to the birth control IF they do decide to do it.... better that than a baby at such a young age.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 12:04 PM on Apr. 10, 2011


  • my daughter knows she is not allowed to date until she is 16. She can have friends that are boys, they can even have crushes on each other. BUT, she s not allowed to have a "boyfriend"...WHY? Because i think that teens are not mature enough before then to really have a meaningful relationship. They do as your DD's doing & hop from one guy to the next until they're old enough to actually have a real boyfriend.

    I personally think your daughter is too young to be having boyfriends. My DD has known since 6 years old that she will not have a boyfriend until 16. Not only does it solve this issue you're dealing with here, but it also keeps them more concentrated in school. i think boyfriends are a huge distraction from school.

    If she is this boy crazy now at 13, it's only a matter of time before one of them gets in her pants & then dumps her. Yes, kids will do what they want that's why you need an extreme watchful eye.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Admckenzie is right, she is creating a bad reputation for herself. Even though she is not having sex yet (so she says) she could already have a slutty reputation by having so many boyfriends. She is craving this attention for a reason. Does she play sports or get into any hobbies? She needs to keep busy & away from boys who want to date her....

    Seriously, sex is not far off if she is so boy crazy this young.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I would seriously try to dial back her social life. A 13 year old does not need a boyfriend, and all the drama you are describing tells me she isn't ready for the responsibility that comes with dating. Encourage her to do things with her girl friends and increase family activities. There will be plenty of time for boys later. I'm not saying you shouldn't still explain sexual safety, but don't get roped into believing "you might as well go along with it because it's going to happen anyway" because it doesn't have to be like that.  Assuming the worst often leads to the worst, so stay positive.  GL!

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:20 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Thinking further, I think you should be very worried, and you should do whatever you can to stop this behavior. My daughter is almost 15 and not yet allowed to have a boyfriend (I agree very much with samurai chica on this point). My daughter has a friend who sounds very much like your daughter with all the drama and boyfriends. My daughter's friend is 14 and pregnant. My daughter's friend also was missing for over 24 hours this past weekend, and I can only imagine how terrible that was for her parents.


    I also agree with admckenzie that your daughter's behavior could very well be driven by low self-esteem. This may not be as simple as saying, "you can't have a boyfriend". You should consider looking for a professional to talk to about this and get on top of the situation before it gets worse. It's the sort of thing could really lead her in the wrong direction and have a major impact on the rest of her life.

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:42 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • She told me her friend told the boy that she likes,that she cheated on him. This same girl had a crush on the same boy my daughter likes accept this kid doesn't like that girl at all. I told my daughter this morning that she needs to find new friends that aren't going to treat her like this. She claims that her "friend" was just joking around. I don't think its a very nice joke. Something is wrong and I don't know how to deal with it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

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