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how can i get my 6 year old daughter to understand that not everything will be given to her and to respect other people?

for her birthday yesterday she go everything on her list and said "thats it?" and when she spoke with her dad, who does not live wit us, she asked him if he got her anything else.

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Asked by SavannahsMom709 at 9:02 AM on Jul. 10, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (8)
  • Well did her Dad get her anything?? She knows that the stuff she got regardless if it was on her list or not did NOT come from her Dad. (I assuming here).

    If that really is the case then it's normal to ask Daddy what did you get me...after all she's just a child that expects her PARENTS to get her things for her B-day...

    I have a feeling if she DID NOT have everything she wanted that she would still ask Daddy what did YOU get me for my B-day.


    Answer by SAHMinIL at 9:16 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • Re: "That's it".... Perhaps the mistake was buying everything on her list. Mine for their B-day gets 1-2 toys and the rest is clothing or gift cards to buy clothing or other things they need. (They are 6 and 7). Sure at time we get complaints, but we just tell them it's more important to get the things that you need.... They can't learn that if they get everything they want (i.e. everything on their list) my opinion.

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 9:23 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • My daughter will be 7 in Sept. I've noticed that she expects a lot too. I grew up with nothing, and she is not. That is a big difference because she does not need for anything and wants for a lot. I think on one hand I've done my job well by providing, but I do want her to have a sense of understanding that there are many people who struggle. She is involved in volunteer work on a kid level. She is very respectful, but when something breaks she will say, "oh well we can buy a new one." That, I don't like and we are working on it.

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 9:40 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • My niece and daughter are the same way, and I'm afraid we've done it to them! As parents we want them to have the things they want, we like to see them happy, and at 6 they have never really had to work for parents we have always provided for them (luxuries included). Its tough, I know we sure didn't grow up with these kinds of expectations, so maybe its time we should talk to our parents our grandparents about what they did different.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 10:43 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • you should explain you have to be greatful for everything! some children don't have b-day parties let alone presents. i got this talk very early on and i had a new respect for my parents.

    Answer by scarletsm0m at 6:50 AM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • maybe she doesnt want everything on her list maybe she is looking for support from dad - is she arround dad enough - do they get dad and dd time - does he play with her just to show her that he loves her - she obviously is having dad issues.

    Answer by vakatia at 1:45 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

  • That's a hard one because 6 year olds are developmentally egocentric to a point and if she is looking for attention at all from her dad, that may increase at that point. I struggle with this with my kids though too, especially since they are the only grandchildren on my husband's side and grandma spoils them terribly!

    Some of the things that I do (besides wait it out and try to set a good example) are require that when they see things in a catalog or store that they say "I would like" instead of "I want". Silly maybe, but I feel like it reinforces that getting is not a given.

    We've also started an allowance and bonus chores at our house so they can (my daughters are 5 and 7) save up for something they want and start to see how that end of getting things goes.


    Answer by ldtchr at 11:15 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

  • (I was over the word limit)

    Telling them that there are some kids who don't have anything is pretty abstract for them to understand (or handle sometimes), but is still important for them to hear so we do that occasionally but we do make a point before birthdays and holidays to go through and sort through things that are outgrown or not played with. Usually, they each need to give up at least 3 things each time so they realize that accumulation is not the name of the game.

    I find though that I really have to watch my own behavior and think out loud a lot. When something breaks, I say things like, "Oh dad will need to fix that". Or, "I would like a new ***, but will have to save up for it". And, I watch my phrasing as far as "we need" and "I would like to have" or "that would be neat, but we can't have everything". The more they see and hear me do it, the more chance I have that they will take it in for themselves.

    Answer by ldtchr at 11:16 PM on Jul. 16, 2008

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