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4 Bumps

Why cant I find a good man. I am a black woman and seems like many black men are no good?

Either they been in jail or got multiple kids with women or theyre liars,cheats, losers, users n abusers. I am a 28 yr old that is currnetly in nursing school and im looking for a good man. I have a bf but I realize I have to leave him bcuz he is no good (see previous questions) but im hopelessly falling for him . Why is this happening. I want a good man. I have abandoment issues. My father was barely around. Im going crazy because I want a husband. I already have a son. Hes 4. His father abused me . Why cant I get it rite. I want the american dream to be happy witb husband and kids. I dont wanna be the bitter black woman never married.. Help!!!

Answer Question
 
Indira25

Asked by Indira25 at 1:14 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (206 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Thats not true about black men. Any race could have issues
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like you are trying to make up for the father that was not around and for the man of your child who abused you so you will just try and settle for anyone out there. Let yourself be found by the one, and do not let one race be your only choice. Take care of yourself....and your son so he will grow up to be a responsible, respectful man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • First....you need to be around decent people...... think of the best places for you to be where these kinds of men are....
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 1:18 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • maybe you should try a different race....just saying
    kaeleighalexis

    Answer by kaeleighalexis at 1:19 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Maybe you are not looking for men inthe right places! Try to find a man who has a college degree and has high standards and respects women. Try taking a night class that men would also attend....avoid hanging out with girlfriends in BARS because usually the bad guys hang out in bars. My daughters both married men who don't like to go to bars and would prefer to stay home with the family. Just a few hints from me.
    Good luck!
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 1:22 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Maybe you should look at the person instead of the race or limit yourself because of it, go to couple matching site, this is how it is done these days.......
    older

    Answer by older at 1:23 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • no there are good black men out there, my SO now works at a courthouse and owns a business. He is amazing. Would never hit me or lie to me. Just don't go to clubs to meet a man, go somewhere that educated men with ambition go. Librarys, bookstores.... places like that.
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:25 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • and just because you're black doesn't mean you have to date black men. GL
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:27 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • If you're only finding these less than desirable men, you're probably looking in the wrong places. Just saying. If you're looking for a designer husband, you need to get out of the second hand store.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 1:31 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • When it comes to attracting losers or dating losers you have to look at the common denominator (which isn't the race) it's you. Whats in you that makes you attracted to them in the first place. You have to try to heal what is hurt in you. Other wise the losers see that "weakness" as an in to get you and do with you what they want. It takes most years to do this especially when you are a busy mom. I know all of this because my mom did the same I refused to ever let anyone do that but low and behold it got me. I started working on the crap in me when I was 16. I will NEVER be perfect but I am always willing to learn new tools to cope with my own inadequacies. I would start by journaling and after a while you can read it to see any patterns. That is were I started and it worked awesomely. YOu can do it, we all have our issues to work on good luck

    mommy-perks

    Answer by mommy-perks at 1:35 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

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