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Is my husband ever going to be able to really forgive me and move on?

Long story short...I got us about 25K in debt and lied to him about it the whole time things were going on (I had control of the money) I kept telling him everything was fine. He found out when his car was reposed. He borrowed money from his 401k and fixed everything and is still here and we are in counseling. (they think I have bipolar) I am doing the things he has asked me to do to work on our marriage and he is trying really hard too. But, he still brings it up whenever we disagree. It was 6 months ago when this happened. He basically has all of the control in our relationship right now because our marriage counselor and my therapist thinks it is a good idea until I get on meds that get my moods stable. But the thing is I feel like even WHEN he does something that pisses me off I can't say anything because he will just find a way to turn it back on me. So any advice you ladies have would be great. Thanks.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Talk with the counselor/therapist about how he keeps bringing up the past while the marriage is in counseling and trying to move forward and they will be able to counsel him on the importance of not going backwards.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:58 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • You lost your right to say anything for the time being. You need to get on your meds and stay on them and prove over the next three years that you will do better. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Being in counciling is a good thing it is a step in the right direction. Maybe with time and your counciling he will be able to forgive you and move on, and your relationship will grow stronger with time.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 3:00 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Trust takes TIME to establish and if you've violated that trust it takes a long time to trust again. Bring it up at counseling that he throws it in your face every time you argue and make sure he understands how much it hurts you. You CANT force him to trust you again, but it sounds like he will and IS trying to work things out. It just takes time.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 3:00 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I agree with Virginia, talk with your counselor about it.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 3:00 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I agree with the others that it takes time. Discuss it in counseling, though, so he can learn how to deal with bringing it up all the time.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:08 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Yes he will. He brings it up bc he still has unresolved feelings over it. That will stop in time. It took a long time to get in the mess. It will take some time for it all to smooth out. The good news is that he's trying. A lesser man would have left. He's a good man and obviously loves you. Hang in there
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Thanks ladies. He is a very good man and I feel like the worst person ever for what i did. I will try to talk to the counselor about it. I know it will take time. I think its just hard right now because there are a lot of issues going on with his family treating me like crap and he won't stand up for me and whenever i say something it turns into a fight where he brings this up. Thanks for the advice ladies!

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:23 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Maybe he needs to hear from you some special words that you have not yet spoken. I would ask him what I can do or what he needs to hear from me that might help him to trust me just a little bit more. The problem is that you have broken his trust in you, and that takes a really long time to regain. He can't just say that he trusts you again and that make it be so. It will take time, and of course, the fact that he can't trust you is constantly on his mind, so it is completely reasonable that he would tell you that. I think you do whatever he asks you to do, and then you wait for the rest to take place over time as he heals and begins to trust you again. The relationship has been damaged and it will take time for it to be mended. I would accept that as being normal and natural and try to be as understanding as possible.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:32 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • He has not forgiven you yet. It has been 6 months? Probably will never trust you either.
    I personaly would not stay in a relationship if my DH trated me that way.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:32 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

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