Some background - my daughter , who is in 5th grade and will be 11 next week, was born with a cyst in her spinal column that caused some nerve damage, leading to bowel and bladder control issues. Through surgery in the past year, we are now able to keep the problem under control, but the journey through the years has led to low self esteem, low self confidence, few friends. In 3rd grade especially, she resisted changing her pullup and was teased for smelling bad, became very depressed, etc. I have spoken with her teachers about social skills, and they keep assuring me she gets along with others, she seems to be welcomed and liked. However, to me she seems very withdrawn, lonely, unhappy. She sees a counselor, but lately won't open up even with the counselor.
She was going to have a sleepover party for her birthday on Friday night. She intentionally only invited a few girls, and two indicated they would come. One told her directly, and the other formally RSVP'd (parent called and spoke to my ex). Anyway, come Friday, neither girl showed up. I have spoken with my daughter about it, assured her that other people's actions reflect on them and not on her, assured her she is loved, but I don't know what to do beyond that. Fortunately we had had an experience lately in which we committed to do something and at the last minute she didn't want to go - I forced her to show up, saying you don't make commitments and then not show. I was able to go back to this example and use it to explain how hurtful it would have been to the other girl if she just didn't show up.
I am frustrated with parents who don't RSVP (the one girl told my daughter she would come, but my ex was unable to confirm it with the parent despite leaving phone messages -- and I've had this experience with past parties, too, for both my son and daughter, where parents just never RSVP -- how hard is it to make a phone call??), and I'm frustrated with parents who would RSVP and then not bring the child. Perhaps there was a family emergency. Perhaps the one child didn't know her parents had other plans and the parents didn't know the child had said she would come. Perhaps the two girls are not really friends of my daughter and my daughter only thinks they are. Perhaps the parents are just irresponsible and rude. I don't want to cause trouble with these other parents, but it's difficult for me to coach my daughter without knowing what happened. If the girls don't want to be friends, I need to coach my daughter. Should I try to talk to the parents? My heart is broken for her, and I want to help her, but I'm not sure how.
Thank you for any advice you can provide,
Answer by admckenzie at 4:02 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
I would just call and find out if it was a family emergency or a case of kids not telling the parents and them already having plans. I know my dd brought home an invitation but did not give it to me until the day of the party so she did not go. It did not matter that she told the boy she could go. She did not tell me or ask me till the last min. I did call and explain to the parents what happened and she was one of 30 kids invited so not near as heart breaking as your child's position I know. If it was something that had a good reason maybe you could reschedule and have a surprise party for your daughter?
Answer by Alanaplus3 at 4:03 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by elizabr at 4:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by JaniceMc27 at 4:13 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by desypoo12 at 4:20 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by sweetpotato418 at 5:22 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by john2007 at 7:00 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:46 PM on Apr. 10, 2011
Answer by Chiqui52 at 10:42 PM on Apr. 17, 2011
Answer by shannon979 at 10:28 AM on May. 5, 2011
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