Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Can asking for full custody & no visitation work against you in court?

I ask because I am seriously considering leaving my fiance, & I have a feeling that things will get nasty, fast. He has issues, & a past to prove it (rehab, a 2-week stint in jail, etc.) I think I've finally accepted that I can't change him, & I can't help him if he doesn't want that help. I don't believe that he could adequately care for our daughter- he loves her, but she has severe special needs, & he has very little patience (he also hasn't been to a doctor's appointment with us since her first birthday- she's 3 1/2 now) I would like to have full custody of her.... in light of his situation, do you think a judge would grant it? I'm just worried, because I've heard that some judges think moms asking for full custody & no visitation rights are cold. Some other facts- I live with my parents, go to school full-time where I'm in good standing working towards my RN license, & babysit. He lives with his mother (who has a past even worse than his) & can't claim a job since graduating high school, or any attempt at higher education. I also know he does drugs, although he won't admit to it, but I'm not sure he could be made to take a test, or that it could be done soon enough that he couldn't flush his system. What do you ladies think? Do I have a good chance here?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Not unless you can prove it. Chances are if you go in asking for no visits, you are going to be deemed spiteful immediately. Asking for sole legal and joint physical and supervised visits, that will eventually move to unsupervised.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:45 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • i would say go for legal and physical custody and supervised visitation and make notes of everything. get a good lawyer so the can help with all this. good luck.

    Answer by lambdarose at 8:47 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Look up custody laws in your state, I know my state doesn't grant full custody w/no visitations. Also get documentation, any/all proof you can. See if there is a free legal line/someone able to do pro bono at least to help you prepare. Hopefully you can use his lack of involvement/knowledge of her special needs to at least require he has supervised visitations, has to take parenting classes, or something if you aren't granted full. Good luck :)

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 8:45 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • can i ask why no visitation at all . maybe supervised visitation would be better then you don't seam so much like you wona cut him out don't get me wrong i'm all for keeping kids away from bad parents and if you don't trust him i'm 100% for asking for him to be supervised and if he messes up no visits then but i do think it will look to harsh jumping straight for no visits


    Answer by feralkitten at 8:46 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Asking for no visitation for him can backfire on you, depending on the judge. His past alone is NOT proof enough to deny him visitation. You have to have concrete proof of current valid reason to deny him. The judge can order you both to get a psych evaluation and order YOU to pay for his evaluation. You'de be better off asking for supervised visitation due to his short temper and your kid's special needs.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:48 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • That's exactly what I'm worried about... It's not that I feel any ill will towards him (I'm actually surprised by that, but I don't. I'm more upset at myself for a) getting into this situation & b) letting it go on this long) It's just.... he's such a hateful person when he's mad. I wouldn't put it past him to try & kidnap her, as awful as that sounds. So does anyone know how supervised visitation works? Could I set it up where he has to have a clean drug test every week or every month? I just want my baby to be safe, & I'm not at all sure she would be with him...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • well IMO you should file for soul custody & say he can have visitation if he goes to drug rehab, parenting classes, and stays in what ever state you live in. Also that until he finishs drug rehab and parenting classes his visitation should be supervised.. I have been in/out of court with my ex for 10 years so I know what I am saying.. Yes judges will look badly on a mom who asks for the dad to have zero visitation, it will ruin your chances of getting custody. file for child support asap and tell your ex in writing( keeping a copy) that he can see his child supervised until he gets the help he needs, if you are uncomfortable supervising either suggest someone or tell him you want a court supervisor. offering visitation to even the most horrible parent makes you look like you only think of your childs needs not your own. 99% of judges will not take away all custody even when the parent may deserve it.. also countinted

    Answer by maiahlynn at 8:59 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Why none at all? What about supervised visitation. Whatever you go for, make sure you have proof. Documented proof. Saying "I think he's on drugs" won't do much if you don't have any proof. I'm pretty sure you can't make him get a drug test; the judge would have to have reason for that.

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 8:59 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • if he has anger issues ask for him to take anger management, AA if he has a alcohol issues... I used to have supervised visits because my ex was trying to say i was crazy.. you & him can either agree on a supervisor or one can be court order, the court ordered one he has to pay. ( its expensive) also don't allow him to be alone with the child now unless its supervised, the court normally goes with the status quo which is whatever you do now. btw you can ask for him to be evaluated if you feel that is needed. if he proves him self to court they will take the supervision off so be prepared for that

    Answer by maiahlynn at 9:10 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • yes I agree proof is good.. so keep journals, if he has any criminal records get copies of them.. however I know that judges will listen to you when you say he has a drug problem. my ex said i was crazy & I had to prove I wasn't before they lifted the supervision.. so he will need to prove he is clean. if you can afford a lawyer it would make your life easier.. you will have a hard time doing this on your own

    Answer by maiahlynn at 9:14 PM on Apr. 10, 2011