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4 Bumps

My child is scared of me!!!!!!

I had problems with drugs for 6 years, I am not going on 2 years of being clean. When ever I was using , I was very short with my two girls, they are 5 and 4.. My four year old does not really remember much about it because she dose not act like my 5 year old. My 5 year old will duck to the ground or start shaking whenever I start to get on to her,,and I am not talking about yelling , because I do not yell or even put my hands anymore. I put her in time out and thats it....I do not want her to be scared of me, i love her with all my heart and i will never hurt her..I changed my life for my kids and I want them to feel safe and happy...what can i do to make her feel more confident and not be scared......please help me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (30)
  • Perhaps counseling for all of you would be best.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 8:46 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • ok i think you need to work on your attachment and bonding
    try doing one on one tast like cooking take photo of you and her smiling and playing togtehr and leve them around the house
    if you give me a sec i will find you more info
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 8:50 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • – collapse
    stay away from the drugs! helllloooo your a parent! id be scared too.
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 8:55 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • It's good your acknowledging this and want to help her, I think counseling would be most beneficial for the long run and reinforce the good times you'll be having with your girls. Do you spend one on one time with each too? Also try to establish and keep open lines of communication with both of them, so DD can verbalize her concerns and more with you. Stay clean, stay on the right path, no one's perfect.
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 8:58 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Congrats on the 2 years! I know it's hard to get, and stay, clean and sober. I've lost count of how many family members have climbed on, then fallen off, the wagon. I also agree that some kind of professional help for you and your girls would be very beneficial.

    Something to think about: It takes 100 atta boy's/pats on the back to counteract just 1 you-screwed-up. Keep loving your girls, and proving to them everyday that Mommy really has changed, and they'll come around. Y'all have a long road ahead, but your actions will really speak volumes to those girls.

    You can do it Mommy!!!
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:05 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • * Make Eye Contact
    * Smile and Talk to Your Child
    * Express Warmth and Touch
    * Be Sensitive and Responsive
    * Get in Tune with Your Child
    * Follow Your Child's Lead in Play
    * Read Together
    * Avoid Overstimulation
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:05 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • ok sorry there gona be a few post by me but its good stuff
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:08 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Eight Key Strategies to Foster Attachment

    • Make yourself available.

    Young children can rely on you and come to trust you only if you are present. Do your best to manage your schedule and life so you are physically available to children when they need you. This may mean making tough lifestyle choices. Work within your circumstances to find time to be available to your children. Also, try to make sure you are mentally engaged in being available and attentive to your children when with them, not just a warm body that is present.
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • • Increase your knowledge and experience interacting with young children.

    Fostering positive, attentive interactions with young children that build secure attachments requires knowledge and experience. Find specific opportunities to interact with your own or other young children by volunteering in child care or school settings, attending play or social groups, going to interactive classes with your child, etc. Pay attention to their likes, needs, desires and behaviors. Also, take advantage of opportunities to increase your knowledge by taking classes, reading books, watching videos or otherwise learning about parent-child relationships.
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:10 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • • Be attentive to your child's cues.

    Fostering a secure attachment begins with attending to your child's needs. Attention begins with focusing on your child and perceiving his or her cues that care or comfort is needed (cues such as crying, holding arms out to you, etc.). Then you need to interpret the signal correctly (understand what he or she wants) and respond in a way that comforts or assists the child. Children may express a physical need (a bottle due to hunger) or a social need (toddlers' need for someone to respond to them). Attentiveness means "tuning in" to your child's signals and recognizing when he or she needs to be held, needs to talk, needs a new toy, needs a new diaper or is tired and needs to rest
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:10 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

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