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Don't want to let go

I need help, I lost my finance 16 years ago tragically he was killed, but on the night he was killed we had a horrible argument which I wish I could take back, our last words were f you and f you too.....I have since married and have two beautiful children, but I cry almost once a week because I miss him soooooo much and I never had the chance to say I am sorry and I love him. He was my soulmate, the love of my life. He was my everything my first true kiss, sexual experience and the father of the first child I lost. He comes to me in my dreams all of the time especially to say I am sorry. I have woke up several times crying and my husband asks whats wrong and I tell him I had a bad dream. Last night he came to me again I did not see his face but we talked by phone and I made him promise to call me back and I woke up. I am so scared that the dreams will stop and I wont get to see him or talk to him any longer. I can see him so vividly in my dreams he always tells me how much he loves me and will I marry him. I have been to therapy but I feel they just want to bill my insurance company and putting me on medication that I don't want. If anybody knows how to help me or at least know what I am going through I would appreciate it. I can't talk to friends or family because they do not understand they just tell me life goes on, but if they only knew what I am going through I don't think they would give me the advice they have given. I am crying writing this because my heart is broken and I don't know how to fix it, now I understand when they say people die of a broken heart because for the last 16 years I feel like there is just a band aid on a gunshot wound which is my heart and my husband does not know how I feel, and I am scared of him every finding out about it. He knows about the situation but he thinks I have moved past this situation.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • It can't be easy but you are cheating yourself and your family out of a full and loving life. No offense but that's sort of selfish. It's great you found your soul mate but what about the people who love you now? Your love wouldn't want you treating loved ones like that, would he? I have no idea about your spiritual beliefs but if you believe in past lives then he will be waiting for you in the next life. For now, concentrate on making this life the best you can for your family. So you don't have to let go. You just have to wait until you can see him again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:26 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Thank you, but I am scared if I live my life now I will loose him forever, I am Christian and i do believe in the Lord and I know I will see him again but I am afraid to let go. I am good at hiding my other feelings that I have I try not let the two cross paths my children do not know really know about the situation and I plan to keep it that way
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:31 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • You have to let go. Letting go does not mean you are forgetting him at all!!! This will eat you alive if you dont. You should probably tell your husband about it. Assure him that you love him but you need some kind of support to get through it
    shaylamatull

    Answer by shaylamatull at 2:36 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

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