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Do you have friends of your own?

I have a full time job and have to be careful of those who I surround myself with at work due to my position. So I don't have many close friends at work. I was divorced 4 years ago and lost most of my friends throughout that relationship as I was restricted as to where I could go and with whom. Even to go out with my mom for the day was a problem. I have two close friends but due to our schedules we don't see each other often. I am no remarried, and his friends' wives are very nice, but I'm not part of that inner circle. All the wives' have known each other for years. So I'm not always sure what to talk about with them.

How do you make friends? Especially ofter years of being told no and that that you're not worth anything to anyone? I used to be really outgoing, but since my first marriage I find I have become really really reclusive.

Answer Question
 
chnkychic76

Asked by chnkychic76 at 11:05 PM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (77 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Are you living my life? I was in a controlling relationship and not allowed to be friends with anyone. If I did he would find a way to get rid of them. Most avoided us after the cops showed up at our house during one of his episodes. After he died from cancer, I started to meet new people, but found that most people weren't looking for a friend but rather someone to use to get what they wanted. I'm remarried to a wonderful man who would gladly let me have friends here or away from home. However, I never meet anyone who isn't looking for something more than someone who has similar interests and just respect a true friend can give. Since I work from home and dont have much outside contact I spend all my time with my husband and we both know it's not a good thing. I've tried to make friends in church or through volunteering but nothing is working. It seems noone is interested in just getting together once in awhile.
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 11:12 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Maybe you can make a mommy/playdate group. Then have Fun Fridays! My SIL made lots of friends that way.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 11:12 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • When you are with the girls that have known each other forever, it is tough to break in, so to speak. But since you will probably be hanging out with them because of your husband, try to get involved in the conversation and be yourself. Don't second guess yourself. I'm sure you have a lot to offer. I've met new friends mostly through the school because our kids are the same age. But check out www.meetup.com and go do something you like and you can meet people that way too...or in a class or golfing or whatever it is you like to do but come out of your shell. It's safe now.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:15 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • yes, I do. But a small group any more because everyone is moving out of the state.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 11:52 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I used to be that way when I was married to my second husband. I always stayed at home and didn't have any friends.. it was very lonely. I was very shy and recluse like you.. But it took getting with my current husband to break myself out of it. Now I am very sociable and friendly with everyone and have met some new people. I think it takes you just taking the leap and getting yourself out there. Just be yourself, the outgoing self you used to be.
    tammymarie37

    Answer by tammymarie37 at 12:05 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Try Meetup.com Join interest/hobby groups and start going. There are thousands of groups for every interest. Social groups for women by age, divorced women's groups, wine tasting, biking, languages, etc. If you're religious, get involved with your church. Go to their BBQs/bake sales, volunteer. Some communities have classes you can enroll in for fun as well, such as cooking, crafts, where you can meet others. Be friendly, introduce yourself, compliment someone and maybe say that you could really learn a lot from them, would they mind if you exchanged numbers? Don't discriminate too much (except for safety reasons). Some young folks can be nice as well. Once you put yourself out there, it will be much easier to make friends. Don't be discourage by some people only wanting to be superficial friends. Out of many bad ones, there may be one good one and it's well worth it. Good luck!
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 2:56 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I have a hard time making friends too, so when I find a good friend I tend to hold on tight. My best friend and I have known each other for 15 years , and even thoug we have rarely lived in the same state or city we make an effort to talk as often as possible and see each other as often as possible too. I have also made some great friends through my children. Because my husband is military we move a lot & so I found local groups here on Cafe Mom & also on Meetup.com. Sometimes you ust have to put yourself out there. Good Luck! Email me anytime - I'd love be friends!
    shareleann

    Answer by shareleann at 5:31 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Yes my husband is very open to me having my own life. But he's also very big on doing family things together.
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 8:52 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Nope friends are all gone. I don't wanna get involved in a play group for kids but one for adults seems like fun.
    KoolMom617

    Answer by KoolMom617 at 9:28 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I know what you mean. When I lived in my hometown I had a ton of friends then I moved about 6 hours away and lost all my friends. I rarely went back home and when I did it wasn't for long so I spent most of my time with family. I met my husband and started working at a place that had a ton of employees and I again had a ton of friends so when my husband sold his business we left towm. i have kept in touch with one friend from there but we only see each other once or twice a year. I wish there was a easy way to meet people. Right now I'm a SAHM and have no friends again. i have contacted a mommy and me group in my area but so far no one has gotten back to me. I hate living in this area. I have no friends or family in this area and hate it. The closest relative is my MIL and she is no help. Good luck meeting friends!
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 9:53 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

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