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My SO just said the most insensitive comment....what would you do or say?

We were sitting on separate sofas watching dateline 20/20 about a young man with cerebral palsy that grew up in a Russian orphanage and his horrible upbringing until he finally was adopted. The main point of the story was that any child born with mental or physical disabilities in Russia are abandon and treated poorly. So naturally I was very sad for the kids. As soon as the show was over he said "stupid retards" when I turned to look at him because I was in shock from what he said be then says " Its a joke, I just said it because I knew it would bother you!" I fight back my tears because I am so upset with him saying this after we just watched a boys sad story and tell him what an asshole he is! And that he is horrible for even saying that out loud or thinking such shitty things. He keeps saying he was just joking and didn't mean it but I can't wrap my head around it. I told him it's such BS that he would purposely try to upset me as a joke. So we argue about it because he becomes stubborn and is upset with me that I'm even upset, which makes no sense because he knew I would get upset so then why get mad now when i do what he thought I would do! I'm so pissed and even more mad that he is acting like a stubborn prick afterward. Ugggg what would you do?

Sidenote: he has said stupid shit before like that but I'm just so over his cruel jokes, it disgust me! We have a 2 yr old DD and have been together for 3 1/2 yrs.


Asked by ProudMammaMia at 2:25 AM on Apr. 11, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • I'd let him know that I don't appreciate his sick sense of humor and that using words like that are not only insensitive, but totally wrong. I'd also inform him that I would be ignoring his stupidity from now on because it's unacceptable and childish. In addition, tell him to keep his cruel remarks to himself because you want to set a better example for your daughter. Hopefully, as your daughter grows and starts repeating his remarks, he'll feel a "slap' into reality. You have a right to be frustrated, but don't let it get the best of you. Confront him about it one more time to clear the air and then move on; let him know you're worth more and he's not worthy of your opinions nor of your reactions. Good luck.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:02 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I agree with Kathyyartist2007

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 5:07 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Tell him you understand it was his odd sense of humor but that you would prefer he not use that kind of humor from now on. Tell him there are so many other ways he can show humor. He himself may have social awkwardness. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it after that. The bottom line is that he didn't mean it, and that's good.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 2:33 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like what you accepted (tolerated) in him before you are no longer able to. Reality is hitting and maybe you are realizing you aren't as in love. Are other things about him bothering you too and this is just the tip of the iceberg?

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 1:38 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • You knew he said stupid sh*t before you married him & decided to breed with him. Pretty sure he didnt just start being an ass yesterday. Maybe you should have chosen more wisely...or could just be a case of "it'll change once we get married!" It doesn't honey, it doesn't change. It gets worse know..he's insensitive & your tears aren't going to change him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Side note: if you aren't married to him yet...don't.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • He's an ass. But a lot of guys are. Don't take it too far; sick sense of humor doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad person. Get over it.

    Answer by judimary at 2:54 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • It's not just that he said something cruel, it's also that I'm over him making me upset then putting it on m as if it's my fault. He takes no responsibility for his words or actions and it's just my fault!?? Instead of him being sorry or sympathetic he acts like an ass when he knew exactly what he did. He knew what h was going to say before he said it, he knew it would be totally wrong to say and still chose to say it! I'm so frustrated by this!

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 3:02 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I love all the answers even if it's not what I wanted to hear lol. Thank you for helping me see it in different lights. :) and the anons are hilarious but true lol

    Comment by ProudMammaMia (original poster) at 8:07 PM on Apr. 12, 2011