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Need opinions without judgement

I just posted about this for a different reason, but now it's got me thinking.

Okay. How many of you have ever had a crush on a professor? How many of you had your professors find you had a crush on him? And how did it turn out?

Cause I just want to know why I'm getting the silent treatment when I'm sure it's not the first time a student has ever had a crush on my English literature professor. Yeah. I had a crush on him. A big one. He was amazingly smart (of course) and unbelievably attractive. And yeah I covered up the fact that I liked him, and I constantly spoke to him on almost a daily basis about my writing and so-forth. I don't know if I was his best student but I had a 4.0 in his class and he thought I could be a great writer. So...now ever since he found out I had a crush on him the entire time he has given me the silent treatment. Doesn't even acknowledge me. At first I understood it. His job is at risk ya know? But now I'm thinking...how many other students does blow off just because they have a crush on him? And...he said, when he found out, that I didn't offend him by telling him how I felt. So if it didn't offend him, again, why is he blowing me off? He won't even help me when I ask for it and actually really need it. Which was just this one time about some tutoring thing. But still! *sight* I don't know.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:00 AM on Apr. 11, 2011 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • You told him? What do you expect from the poor guy? Lol. He's doing what works for him.
    shynu

    Answer by shynu at 3:07 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I say a crush is a crush and thats how he looks at it. There's no reason to pass judgment on you at all. You are NORMAL! You have a crush on a man you are attracted too. I do admit that I wouldn't have told him until you were out of his class, lol that why your work or grade couldn't be affect bc of the whole ordeal. I think he probably gets the whole crush thing a lot. Maybe he is just worried about his career ? I don't blame him in away you know ? He worked hard to get where he is today & doesn't want anything he says to you to be taken the wrong way. He doesn't know if you are mature or not. He isn't sure if he's nice to you and says somthing like you are pretty, but he can't get involved with a student with you would go run & tell. ya know ? I suggest not bothering him anymore unless its your school work. If he still blows you off, I'd tell him that he needs to still be a teacher.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 3:10 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • First, yes, this is normal, there are lots of people who get crushes on people that they have dealings with that would be inappropriate to act on (teacher, psychologist, doctor, and even sometimes their minister).

    But, try to look at it from his point of view - you have a 4.0, yet you seek him out every day to talk to him, etc. He really only knows you in a professional setting, he doesn't know what kind of person you really are, outside of the classroom. For all he knows, this could be an attempt to get close to him, or worse. There are MANY cases of people who have gotten a crush and the feelings weren't returned who then complained to the dean, etc, saying that they were being sexually harassed, that there had been a relationship where there wasn't, etc, and, even if it was proven to be untrue, careers and reputations (and sometimes marriages) have been ruined.

    I'm NOT saying you would do this

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:31 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • cont

    but he doesn't know you wouldn't, and if he's a professor, I'm sure he's probably heard or known all sorts of professors who have either been accused or who have been gossiped about, and is trying to avoid that.

    Again, it's not uncommon to have this sort of crush, but look at it sort of like this, if it was one of your other professors (one you didn't have a crush on), and he was always making a point of singling you out to talk to (even about your work), then he admitted to having a thing for you (feelings you didn't return) - wouldn't you feel uncomfortable? This is the same thing.

    Now yes, you should still be able to get class help, but I would suggest apologizing to him for making him feel uncomfortable, and suggesting that, for the protection and comfort of everyone, that all conversations have a 3rd party with you, so you can continue to be taught and you can all be comfortable again. (Or change classes.)

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:36 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I just want to add, because it's so hard to convey tone on the internet, that I didn't mean any of that to be nasty or judgmental at all, and I hope you didn't read it that way!

    I'm just trying to show how it might seem to him, and maybe help explain why he's probably acting the way he is, and how you can maybe help get things back more like what it used to be.

    (I know that there have been a few times that my dh has helped out a young Sailor who has worked for him who then got a crush on him, and how uncomfortable and awkward that made things for him, so... I also know the "3rd person" thing has really helped him with it when it happened, so maybe it would help you be able to get the instruction you want while making him not feel so threatened by the situation and making it less awkward for all of you.)

    Good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:40 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • You can prove to him that your work wasn't bullshit, by still doing it and still asking questions. Just leave the crush ordeal alone. You know its not going to happen (I'm sorry to say that. I don't mean to be blunt. I'm sry if I upset you. I'm just trying to help). Just do your work like normal, ask questions like normal even if he doesn't answer. I say go from there. If he doesn't respond to serious questions, e-mail him apologizing and tell him you lost your head for a second, but you really need his help on this certain thing.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 3:44 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I agree with loudnproud87. Tell him you should have kept your thoughts to yourself, you are sorry to make things awkward betweeen you, and you really do need help with a couple of things. If he does not respond after that then he is totally uncomfortable with the situation and you need to find help elsewhere......maybe fellow students, tutoring provided by the school, etc. Be calm, professional, and to the point if/when you talk to him. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:39 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I get that! But I'm sure I'm not the only student who has a crush on him. So why do I get the shit-end of the deal?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:11 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • It just sucks. I wish I hadn't told him. I really do. But I'm such a blabber mouth I can't help myself sometimes. ANd I really miss working with him. NOt because I had the hots for him. And I wasn't trying to get in his pants or anything (although I had many fantasies about it), but I'm a realist. I knew it wasn't going to happen and I was not expecting it to happen either. I just liked getting sound advice from him and for the first time I felt someone was taking my work seriously. It felt good. It's hard to replace that, ya know? Maybe I let him down because he probably thinks it was all bullshit. But it wasn't. So how do I prove that to him? That it wasn't just about getting close to him. Ah! Stupid me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:14 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • let it go. He isn't going to jeopardize his job for a student. Maybe once the semester is over, he'll contact you. Also, what is the age difference?

    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 3:39 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

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