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Ladies, my SO is being a grump, help me figure this out please

he won't help me do anything
He typically is extremly catering, and I mean extremley, massages daily, foot rubs daily, always getting the door, chivalry to the maximum effort.

I got sick 2 weeks ago
He argued, he took off for about 2 hours to cool off
when he was gone I had my first migraine and it coupled with a fever so my doctor sent my to the ER to be watched. I had my son with me and i was just miserable, trying to chase a tot and feeling like complete crap. anyway he comes to the ER crying, feeling bad that he left and that I had to bring myself to the ER. k, well what happened happened, I was too focused on trying to figure out what was wrong wth me.

Turned out to be chronic migraines triggered by an acute sinus infection. I got on anti-biotics, 4 days after taking them, along with pain meds, migraine finally gone.

Now he has completely changed. Maybe he thought I was faking? idk
he won't even grab something for me from the fridge if he is standing right by it, or already in it. Won't open any doors for me. nothing
I am still finishing off my anti-biotics.

I just read a message he sent to his friend, who I hate, saying that he is sticking to his guns, regarding me. wtf? I'm confused.


Asked by DomoniqueWS at 4:23 AM on Apr. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I understand you are sick, and if this is what's going on, then he picked a crappy time to make the change. And I do hope you feel better soon! But you asked for help in trying to understand what he means by this, and why he's doing this, so this is something to consider. Please know that I am NOT bashing you, just trying to figure it out...

    You say that he gives you foot rubs, massages, etc, that he caters to you... How much do you cater to him in return? Maybe he feels like the relationship has been more one sided, and he wants to be pampered and stuff, too? Or that maybe you don't appreciate what he does, or that he feels like he HAS to do these things for you to love him, and it's made him feel like he, himself, is unimportant, so he's sticking to his guns and not doing these things anymore, to see what happens.

    Like I said, I am NOT bashing you,


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:43 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • cont

    Like I said, I'm NOT bashing you, I don't know if you show him affection the same way, or if you just sort of expect it as sort of your due. Or, if you do show him affection back, but he's still feeling sort of like he loves you but is being played a sucker, know what I mean?

    Anyway, that's what it sounds like to me. Again, NOT that you are doing these things, but that maybe that's how he feels about it...

    Again, I hope you feel better soon! And maybe, when you do, if you haven't before, you could do something like tell him that he treats you so much like a princess, you want to treat him like a king, so this is going to be "his day" - massage, favorite dinner, etc...
    (Do this often - like, when he gives you a foot rub, sit "end to end" on the couch and rub each others feet, etc..)

    good luck, and I hope things work out for you - sounds like, overall, you have a guy who loves you :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:47 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Wow

    Answer by clementhia at 4:45 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • That sounds more realistic than what I was thinking. I thought that maybe he ws thinking that I was faking being sick to be catered to, or something. :/

    But I am seriously going to need to google how to cater to him more, I am very used to being taken care of, almost spoiled in a way, so I am starting and square one. Thanks for piecing that together, I was thinking the worse, but this is at least fixable and in my control to fix. Thanks again

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 4:55 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I'm with sailorwifenmom 100%

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 7:58 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Have you asked him what's wrong? Have you told him how differently he's behaving? That's where I would start. Migraines are HORRIBLE...and any of us who have suffered thru them feel your pain. I'm glad the medication is working.


    Answer by meooma at 9:12 AM on Apr. 11, 2011