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3 Bumps

The Drama Queen is at it again, any advice?

As in previous posts my stepchildren live with my husband and i along with our other kids. (Husband has custody, mom deemed unfit, kids get supervised visitation) Anyway being the middle man between my husband and the ex wife is really wearing on me. It all started b/c when them two talk it gets VERY ugly. But here lately its every little thing she won't bring the boys to baseball if its on HER day and then wants make up time b/c she won't show for the visits at all. She usually lies and is very irrational so when she says the boys tell her they would rather go to her house for 3 hrs than baseball i know shes full of it. So am i wrong but cutting her off at the gate saying "if you truly feel the boys would rather visit than go to baseball, this should be a non-issue, don't bring them" I'm just tired and NEED peace i feel like she is looking for some kind of approval to act this way not sure what to do.

 
Genice6

Asked by Genice6 at 10:08 AM on Apr. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,450 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • DON'T FEED INTO IT. IGNORE HER. She just wants the conflict--it shows she "matters". Tell her she can email or text ONLY if it involves the children, and it's important. Otherwise, not to contact you.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 10:13 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I would tell the mom during the baseball season that they will be staying home.Also tell her that she's more than welcome to see them at their games, and if there's a day in between that you can set up a visit since their supervised.
    Our boys have seen how manipulative their bio-dad is, to the point of making them lie to me on the phone so he could keep them one more day. He had them tell me their cousin had a birthday party, and they wanted to go. When I went to pick them up they were both crying because they know lying is not accepted, and they both told me the truth right after I asked them if they had a good time at the party.. I cried with them, it hurt me to see them so upset...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:30 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Tough spot for you to be in. I might start with asking the boys and seeing how they feel just to be sure. Then maybe just call her on her lies.. Definitely one of those things that is hard to know unless you are in it. Good Luck.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:12 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • This was a matter for us to address last year when our boys wanted to play baseball, and this is what I know in my situation... Any organized sports, or extracurricular activities that our boys have supersedes their visits with the non-custodial parent, (their bio-dad). I consulted with my attorney on this, and it's in writing in our parenting plan. I also have sole physical, and he has visitation, so I make all the rules when it comes to when he see's them etc... You may want to consult with an attorney just to be safe. GL.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:17 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • If she has legal visitation - then you have to let her see them - you (and your husband) don't want to be hauled into court for being in contempt of the visitation order. Instead of handling this from an emotional place, try handling it from a rational and legal place. Call a Family Practice atty (many give free consultations) - and ask them about her not taking the boys to their baseball games when they are in her custody -- you *may find that *SHE* is the one in contempt.... I do believe the courts set orders to keep the children's schedule and life from being interrupted by divorce fights. Any court could see that your (and your husband's) intention is to see that the children are not kept from their extracurricular activities because of her actions.... let her be the one on the hook for doing right by her children. And JFTR... what reason does she give for NOT taking them??
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 10:46 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Thanks guys and yeah the boys cry and are very dissapointed when she does not take them to baseball. I hope they will realize her selfishness and her "need" to matter on their own
    Genice6

    Comment by Genice6 (original poster) at 10:19 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I'm with laird on this one. Don't let that immature "mom" cause more conflict than you need in your life.

    KateShesGreat3

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 10:35 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • agreed, she can see them at the game or not at all. pick another day or something. Dont interupt there passion to be made to go to her house. They need that outlet of the games. Healthy developement. not slumming it b/c mom wants to disrupt their enjoyments.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 10:39 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • This situation really stinks. It's hard enough to raise kids without everything you are dealing with. Maybe she can visit on days when they don't have baseball? I know my kids play ball and they would be devastated if they couldn't go. Good luck to you!
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 10:40 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Oh yeah - and if her visitation is supervised... who is the supervisor??
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 10:47 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

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