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How do you tell someone you don't want your kids playing with their kids?

I have a friend who will call or email me if my son dosen't play with her kids are recess. I don't blame my son the kids not behaving the nicest lately, I don't really want him playing with him either. But she often tells me things my son apparently did to her son. I know my sons teacher pretty well and have asked her what's really happening. My son isn't doing these things and he and his friends don't want to play with this boy becaus he's not being nice. He hits, kicks and yells at the kids for no good reason. When he does these things my son will say to him you're not my friend. And rightly so, we've told the kids they do not need to be friends with anyone who makes them feel bad.
Our families have been close in the past but in the last year things have not been so friendly. I really enjoy spending time with the mother but am getting really annoyed at her telling me that my son is doing these things when I know it's her child in the office almost every day for bullying. Now thankfully her kids don't bully my son, but I'm afraid that if I say anything to her that she'll be really upset (she denies that her boys have done anything) and then things will turn out badly for my son at school.
We were at their house on the weekend for a b-day party and her son was pushing kids in the trampoline. He was told to not push so hard. My son finally pushed him back after being pushed several times. He then got out and told the kid he didn't want to be his friend anymore. My friend brought both boys together to have them appologise. Her son yelled sorry at my son and then yelled at his mom because he didin't appologise to him yet. There was no time and my kids know that you should appologise nicely so the other person knows you mean it. My son did appologise and the other kids said they were best friends again. My son said no just friends. This ofcourse sent the other kid off in another yelling fit.
What should I do? I'm tired of her telling me my kid is bullying her's when it's not true and the teachers on duty tell me that's not what happened. And I don't want my son in a friendship like this where he get's yelled at and such. He has other friends at school and away from school and he plays just fine with them, there's no issues with his other friends. So how do I go about telling this woman that I don't want out kids playing together?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Apr. 11, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Maybe you just have to ignore her then... if she calls and starts in say you have to get off the phone asap... don't acknowledge the wining in an e-mail. She will get the hint eventually. Sorry you are dealing with this ;o(

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:46 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I have a friend who will call or email me if my son doesn't play with her kids are recess. <<-- I'd simply tell her it's your child choice who they play with... your child is going to make their own friends at school & you are not going to dictate their friendships to them!! I'd also tell her to tell her kid that he needs to tell an adult when the (supposed) bullying is taking place - that way the teachers will deal with it at school and not you and her after the fact. The kid keeps whining to her b/c she is indulging him. I think you basically need to tell her to lay off & you don't want to get in the middle of it.

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:35 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • just tell her they are kids and they have to work it out on their own, explain to her that maybe they just need some different friends for a while until they solve whatever is going on. don't play the blame game and pin all the bad things on her son just make it a no fault issue and give her the "kids are kids" excuse.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:25 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I would just tell her that you feel the boys are old enough to handle this themselves. Let her know that your son is at an age where he is making his own friends and you are not going to be getting involved in that when you don't have to. It is reasonable to say, "Look. The boys are at school. We only know what they tell us. I'm not forcing my son to play with kids he'd rather not play with." There really isn't a need to finger point at her son and his misbehaviors or even to try to explain why your son doesn't want to play with him. I would make sure to talk to your son about playing nice and not excluding people or snubbing them, but your friend doesn't need to know this. Your son is old enough to choose his friends and as long as they aren't a bad influence on him, you really aren't expected to be involved. Your friend seems to want to baby her son, but you don't have to follow suit.
    fancyjane

    Answer by fancyjane at 10:31 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I have told her that they have different interests now and are making new friends. I have used the kids are kids excuse but that was about 2 issues ago. I don't want to play the blame game because I know my kids are not perfect but they are not physically aggressive and know the rules at school. So I don't buy it when she calls me to tell me that my son pushed or hit her kids, especially when the recess teachers tell me that that's not what's happening.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:40 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Just because u r friends with the mom does not mean that the boys have to be friends. This kid is only going to get worse! Just tell her that u don't want the boys being friends anymore,there r too many bad things happening and u want your son to not have any part of it. If she gets mad!! So,what!!!! Let her!!! There r moms I am friends with where I live and their boys have different friends that don't include my son. The boys r fine with it. Now the friendship with these moms r just hi and bye! But,that is the way it goes!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 10:43 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • The sooner u tell her the better for all involved!! I would do it today!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 10:44 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Your friend is accusing your son of being unkind, and you are accusing her son. It sounds like the both of you are the "my son would never do that" kind of moms. Your both doing your children an injustice by not holding them accountable for their actions. If you truly want to see what's going on, get permission to shadow your son at recess, or volunteer as a teacher's aid for a few hours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • annon I don't believe my son is perfect and I ask him what happened. Then I ask him that if I ask the recess teacher will she tell me the same thing? If he has anything to confess that usually get's it out of him.
    I'm not so blind that I think my son does nothing but when the teacher's are telling me that my son is playing nicely with other kids and my friends son is going after him to play with him and yelling at him when he dosen't want to I'm going to beleive my son has done nothin wrong and behaved just as we've taught him.
    Parent's are not allowed on the playground for recess, I've asked. The teachers are aware of the situation and have assured me that if there are anyissues with the boys they will let me know. I volunteer and have been asked if things are ok in the boys home life. They ask because they know we're friends. Things are fine, the boys get away with everything!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:06 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Also I don't call her up if my son says her kid did this or that, I ask him if he told the teacher and what they did about it. If I wasen't satisfied with what the teacher did I would say to the teacher I'm not ok with this. It's a school issue to be dealt with at school.
    If my son does anything wrong his teacher let's me know because she know's I expect him to behave. Just to prove that he doodled on the carpet in the library during story time and they told me. He wrote an appology letter to the librarian and also to the caretakers because they needed to use a special cleaner to get the doodle out. If they haden't already cleaned it I may have had him try to do it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:11 AM on Apr. 11, 2011