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He cheated, how can I trust him enough to stay with him?

No, he didn't have sex with her, but she gave him her number and he used it, they went out to the bar and he kissed her. She even drove him home because he was too drunk.

 
RileysBadAssMom

Asked by RileysBadAssMom at 9:50 AM on Jul. 10, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • IF your husband is TRULY sorry and wants to keep his relationship with you then:

    you both need marriage counseling
    he has to be open and upfront with you: if you have questions he needs to answer whatever you ask
    there has to be NO contact with this other person at ALL
    He does have to earn your trust back.
    Just because this was not physical does not mean it was not an affair; there are also emotional affairs. He was getting something from someone other than YOU. That is wrong no matter how you look at it...
    he has to be patient with you: you will have alot of emotions, and just remember you will have good days and not so good days...hang in there...
    nmwmom

    Answer by nmwmom at 5:51 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • That's something he needs to worry about, not you. He needs to earn your trust back, and it will take lots of time. If he's not willing to stick it out with you and do everything he can to earn it back, then he's just not worth it.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 9:54 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • I wouldn't put up with it, if he doesn't love you enough to remain faithful to you, then why does he deserve you? Sounds like you do better
    kittie1919104

    Answer by kittie1919104 at 10:21 AM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • It sounds like he strayed but didn't actually cheat imo. It think this is a wonderful opportunity to set down boundaries in the relationship. Tell him exactly what you expect of him and the consequences if he doesn't stay within those boundaries. Some men just have to be told what to do and not to do. I wouldn't throw away a perfectly good trainable man over a kiss!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:47 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • I say everyone makes mistake and deserves a second chance. This is the time to go to therapy also. Say what's on your mind don't hold back. Something made him do this, maybe it was because he was drinking. You're lucky if he didn't sleep with her and had only 1 kiss. Imagine not know your husband was cheating for more then 6 months like a lot of wives find out. That's harder to forgive and to find trust again.
    Sit down and talk to him and hopfully this chick won't call him back. Have him change his no. He needs to show you he can be trusted. He needs to be an open book to you, and this will take awhile to gain that trust back. Good luck
    Ourstateofminds

    Answer by Ourstateofminds at 12:53 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • I was in a marrage & that man cheated.I'm not sayin it's ok.It's not ok.I'm sayin,u love some1 never hurt them.Love isn't suppose 2 hurt.Love isn't suppose 2 cheat if he love u & care 4 u.Cheatin brings stress,worry ,depression,& even STD'S.Some men feel if u 4gave them once u will 4give them again.They'll tell u they r sorry for cheatin.They r sayin that they r not sorry for cheatin on u,they r sorry for gettin caught.If they r sorry,they'll come 2 u & let u know what they was doin before they get caught,tell u they r sorry,& they wont do it again.If a person cheat it's hard for u 2 trust them again.Cheatin puts your life on the line.AIDS is out bad.I don't trust men as far as I can see them.U can give them a inch & they'll take a mile.If u love him & willin 2 work things out it's going 2 take u a while 2 trust him.Best thing 4 u to do is pray & ask GOD to show u what 2 do.GOD's the only 1 that can show u if he's the 1 4 u.So pray & GOD 2 show u the way.
    Mrs.Lakeisha

    Answer by Mrs.Lakeisha at 1:09 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • You just may not be able to trust him for awhile! He needs to understand what affect his actions have had on you. IT's only natural that you wouldn't trust him!!! What needs to happen, is that HE needs to do the WORK!! He needs to work very hard at EARNING your trust back. If he is willing to work very hard at earning your trust back, you may be able to trust him again someday. If he won't try to change his ways and earn your trust back....you may never be able to trust him. Why would you? I wouldn't.
    ShammyShell

    Answer by ShammyShell at 8:48 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • My husband didn't actually cheat but it appeared he had when we were first married. For a few days I went through all the emotions just like he had. I had made my vows and planned to stick to them. It took him a long time (even though nothing had happened there was still plenty of stupidity on his part to make me uneasy) but through consistantly showing me he was trustworthy he regained my trust again. Now 9 yrs later we're still happily married and I have no doubts whatsoever.

    With that said, I think the consistantly proving himself was very key. If he had really cheated and consistantly failed at proving himself over time it would have been over. I'm not one to jump the gun or make rash decisions out of emotion. In my experience it never ends as well as it could when rash decisions are made out of emotion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

  • It's been 2 1/2 years since this happened to me and I still do not trust. I wonder why I stay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:15 PM on Jul. 11, 2008

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