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6 Bumps

Father's right to pregnancy?

I am 19 weeks pregnant with my first child. The father broke up with me when I was 7 weeks. I have told him that I understand that he wants to be apart of the child's life when she is born but until then, he can call and get updates on the doctor's appointments but other then that, he doesn't have a part in my pregnancy. His mother is constantly harassing me because she wants to be in the delivery room and have him there when I have the ultrasounds. He actually showed up at my home the day of my ultrasound demanding to get to go and then followed me to the doctor's office, it was only after I threatened to call the police that he left. His family seems to think that this is their baby and I am just the incubator. Well anyway, my brother is in the Army and has 2 children that he will get custody of in the divorce (which will be finalized next week) IF he has someone to stay with his kids. He has asked me to come live with him, I won't have to pay for anything and I just watch his kids while he is at work and when he is deployed and take care of the house (basically be his wife lol). It is a very good opportunity for me and I can still go to college online (like I am now). I will have to move 6 hours away to do this but I am barely making ends meet right now and I don't know what I am going to do when the baby comes. Well I told my ex about this and he got mad, saying that I am taking away his RIGHT to be part of the pregnancy. As far as being in the room for the ultrasound and the delivery, that is personal and it should be my choice as to who is in there. As far as moving, I have to do what is best for me and the baby. Am I wrong? I truly don't feel that he has any right to my pregnancy.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 11, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (44)
  • You're not wrong.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 10:42 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I dont see a problem with letting him come to ultrasounds or waiting outside the delivery room during birth. for sure talk to him about moving, it's his kid too, just because he didn't want you doesnt mean that he doesn't want the child you both made.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • this can go both ways. i know if i were a male i wouldn't want to miss the birth of my child because it's truly a blessing and isnt something you experience every day. however, its your choice and you have the right to be as comfortable as possible during labor and make it a great experience! (for you and the baby) As far as the pregnancy goes, he can get updates from you and copies of the ultrasound pictures. Since you broke up its up to you on how much you want him to be there and it's understandable if you wouldnt want him around. It's not like you're keeping him from his child. Also, his family has no right to bother you at all and that's just rude. good luck to you!

    Answer by -lovingliam- at 10:44 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I'd be VERY careful about moving now....He can say that you are doing it to prevent him from having a relationship with the baby, and that can look bad on you in Court.

    Answer by laird6372 at 10:45 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I don't feel comfortable with having him in the ultrasound (he wasn't at the first 2) but I can only have 1 person in with me so I want someone who supports me through my pregnancy. The delivery room is out of the question,. As far as moving, I told him I am thinking about it but I don't feel I should have to ask him, he says I should have to get his permission because I am "changing the plans" well he "changed the plans" when he called off our engagement and walked out when he found out I was pregnant

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:45 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Do you know how many guys haul ass by this time? Is he someone you just don't want around your baby? Will he be there financially for the child?

    Answer by Dahis at 10:46 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Are you kidding me? ur ex can shove it, and his mom can shove it further as far as i'm concerned. lol. i hate when people make up rights, custody is one thing, but the entire pregnancy is urs alone. threaten him with a restraining order if he doesnt start shaping up. and they have no right what so ever to join an any appointment or be in the delivery room. you guys can discuss custody later when ur child is born. but seriously, shut him up with saunogram photo, but thats it. be firm!

    Answer by fefe87 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • laird, I thought of that too so I talked to a lawyer who told me as long as I can prove I had a good reason for moving he can't say that. Moving is the only way I can provide for my child and still go to school so I am not working a dead end job forever and can better our lives

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:48 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Dahis, he got fired a month ago and still hasn't gotten another job and since then goes out to drink most nights.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:50 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • It is YOUR decision who can be at doctor appointments, ultrasounds, in the delivery room, etc. They have NO say and can't force you into anything. Stand your ground.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 10:52 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

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