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Off the wagon

My dh has been sober for almost 9 months. He had a terrible problem with alcohol n couldn't hold job, didn't come home for days, wouldn't answer phone. It was horrible. I gave ultimatum 3 weeks before the birth of our son. He straightened up, has held same job since then and been the best husband and father. Until yesterday. I called from work to see how kids were n could tell by his voice he been drinking. I left work right then and came home with 20 questions. He lied lied lied. Then walked out and hasn't been home. I'm sure he didn't make it to work today either. How do I support him to get back on wagon but at same time let him know I won't stick around with a drunk? If I 'nag' too much it'll push him away won't it?

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aeemom

Asked by aeemom at 10:03 AM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You have to ask yourself if you really want to stay with someone you can't trust to be home and sober with your kids? I have dealt with an Alchy hubby, it's not fun. It hurts bad! But kids change things. So he has to change.
    When my daughter was born I made it clear, partying and booze, or us. And I was serious. I didn't want to live with someone who wouldn't help me raise our child. I could do that on my own! I would have been alone but not nearly as stressed!
    You have to make the choice how YOU are going to deal, and what is best for the kids.
    evilabbysmom

    Answer by evilabbysmom at 10:10 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Firstly you need to realize there is NOTHING you can do or say that will make him clean up. My husband is an addict and alcoholic (clean almost 2 years). I did and tried everything... Finally I quit. I told him simply this... We are leaving you! I don't NEED you. We can do this without you. If you want your family you'll get help. If we aren't worth it. That's fine too. It's your choice. Make it.

    Many times they need to hit bottom before they will come out of it and get help. Find your local AlAnon Chapter for YOU and they have stuff for kids too... All you can do is protect your kids and help yourself.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:31 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Sabrina...best answer....you said it all!
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 10:33 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Send him to rehab. Then cut ties with his drinking buddies, family included.Good luck.
    jareda69

    Answer by jareda69 at 10:35 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Push him away? Girl wake up! He is pusing YOU away with his drinking...stop blaming yourself!
    He is the only one who can help him...and he has to be willing. You cant make him better. Now you have a choice to make....tell him IN patient rehab or you are done!
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:31 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • yes you would. i would tell him again to stop and this time ask him to do more like some form of therapy. he can't just stop for good on his own. maybe do AA or get personal counseling.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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