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3 Bumps

Do you think it is right for your boyfriend to want to do stuff with only his kid?

My boyfriend and I are considering moc=ving in with each other. I have 3 kids and he has 1 child and we have a child on the way together. One of the reasons that he is considering not moving in is because he believes that there is going to be a conflict between him and I because he is going to want to still do stuff with his son by thereselves. I dont agreee with this I believe that when you move in as a family that you do stuff as a family. Just wanting an opinion on this matter.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Apr. 11, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (19)
  • That is completely unacceptable. If he were my boyfriend...well, he wouldn't be. Not anymore. Don't put yourself and your kids in that situation. Including the unborn one.
    JustCantWait88

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 4:01 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I understand how he feels....why would he not want to spend daddy and me time with his kid....he didnt say that he wasnt going to be doing things with you and your kids just that he wants to do things with just him and his child. Thats the same as you spending one on one time with your kids....I dont see a problem with it.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 4:04 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I think that it would be important to still do things with only his child by himself....he will be with you and your children the majority of the time and his own child may start feeling neglected...I encourage DH to have alone time with his daughter from a previous relationship, I know that he loves me and our children but he doesnt get alot of time with his own daughter and I know that sometimes she feels left out.....I wouldnt mind this at all...but that's just me
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 4:05 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I'm sorry but I understand his point of view. I don't know how old his child is, but it seems only fair. It has been just the two of them (father and child) and he doesn't want his kid to feel abandoned for his "new" family. I think that it is healthy for him to want to still spend some special time with just his child (and you with just yours). I also think it is important to spend time together as an integrated family. Maybe one weekend a month you each spend time with just your kids from previous (maybe even ask someone to watch the new baby). That way none of the kids feel like you are "forgeting" them. I'm not saying that either of you would ever do this, but a child can sometimes feel things that are not correct/rational. Try to see it from his side - or even more importantly from his child's point of view.
    NHRachel

    Answer by NHRachel at 4:09 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I don't think he is wrong for wanting some one on one time with his kid. If he wants to only do stuff with his kid all the time that would be a problem but if you are talking about certain activities a couple times a month I wouldn't see it as a big deal. My husband plans things to do with just our older daughter sometimes and when our younger daughter gets older I am sure he will plan somethings with just her too.

    lilysmom2607

    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 4:25 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Just this week, my husband took our daughter out the arcade while I and my son and nephew (who is living w/us) stayed home. After several hours they came back and that was that. The reason it was just my daughter and husband because it was daddy and her time. My husband takes off with just one kid here and there and spends time with just that child. We also do LOTS of things together as a family. There is nothing wrong with him wanting one on one time with his children (his son and the unborn child). For the record, my son and nephew didn't care that my daughter went to the arcade.
    SAHMinIL2

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 4:27 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I think your boyfriend is right on this one. If he gets his son only on weekends or even if he has him all the time, they should have some one on one time. His son deserves that. This is his only father and he should be able to have some of his own time with his father when he doesn't have to share him. Not to be rude, but your boyfriend's son didn't sign up for this. The two of you may have met and fell in love and wanted to merge your life and children all together, but his son didn't say that he wants to share his dad with 3 other kids all of the time. I am not saying that when the son is there your boyfriend gets to check out for the whole time, but wanting to do things alone with his child on a regular basis is the right thing here. You can find a balance between all being together as a family, and father and son having some alone time to bond and stay connected. Don't hold it against him for being a good dad.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:29 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Well, I'm married with 5 kids and sometimes I want to do things with only one of my children. I like to spend personal one on one time with them. So does their dad (my dh)

    His son is going to need one on one time with his dad. You can still do things as a family, but he should still be able to have one on one time with his son.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 4:39 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I don't see an issue with him wanting to keep 1:1 time with his son. Should he be involved in family activities too, OF COURSE. You cannot expect him to stop the 1:1 special time him and his own son have together.
    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 4:55 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Maybe I'm not understanding correctly but you're upset because he's going to want one on one time with his son? If he was never wanting to do anything with all the kids together that is odd but time with his son is not strange at all. My DH and I sometimes do this. He spends time with our son while our daughter and I do something else or vice versa. It does children good to have some alone time with a parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

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