Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Vent, VENT< VENT!!!!!

Is it to much to ask for help from my husband or does he just not Know how to help with family functions or chores or kids.
See he works 5am-2pm, comes home and can rest all day, which he will go on the computer, or play games or watch a movie. I don't mind it right when he gets home but until bed time.
I am running around with my head cut off when he gets home and would at least expect him to feed our 6month old son his solids, but no i come home to a screaming baby that is hungry after i pick up a kid from school. So instead of my son getting his food at 3pm he gets it like 3:45pm.
I fold up clothes, expect my 3 year old to help me with his clothes. Anyway i fold up his clothes put his jeans, underwear, undershirts, socks away, but leave his shirts on our guest bed and hope he would put it away, but no leaves it there for me to get to.
I do dishes, laundry, change diapers, get kids dressed, feed kids, make supper, lunches, snacks, put kids to bed, and even make time to go by him for lunch, and even make time to help him out with outside chores. I even take garbage out, i have been doing the spring yard work and even cleaned the garage.
I would at least like a break for myself for an hr, but i don't get that and it sucks.
I have talked to him about it, and he just says i pay bills, u don't, i work 8hrs u dont'. type deal. well now he can't use the bills because it is my checking account too. And to make it even more fair, i go get groceries and he doesn't, i take care of our kids, he barely doesn't/

Answer Question

Asked by at 7:46 PM on Apr. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You teach people how to treat you. If you continue to do ALL the work, he will continue to let you... Sorry.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 7:50 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • quit doing things for him. If you expect your 3 year old to help with his clothes, your husband should DEFINITELY be able to do his own laundry. When I say quit, I mean EVERYTHING. Don't make lunches, don't do his laundry, don't make him meals...let him handle his own stuff. He obviously feels he deserves to be left alone at the end of his day so take that to the extreme and let him fend for himself. You're his wife (I thought that meant partner/helper), not his housekeeper or nanny. So stop enabling his behavior and when he complains, tell him that until he starts helping out more around the house you just don't have time or energy to take care of another adult who's supposed to be able to care for themself. I say this kindly because I have a similar situation at home. My husband works 7am-6pm at a very physically demanding job and when he gets home he just wants to disconnect and be taken care of. Good luck!

    Answer by ShainaMay at 7:51 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • i literally have to ask my husband for help. he is not the type to just take it upon himself, but gladly will do anything he is asked. now he's unemployed so he doesn't have the "work" excuse, and it's been kind of an eye opener for him. he now cleans up the dishes off the table after dinner, gives the girls a bath, fixes lunch for them, all without being asked. raising kids and maintaining a household takes a lot of work! your husband is being rude. i would tell him he can clean up after himself from now on, and also ask him how these children came to be in the first place? unless it was by divine intervention he needs to help out too.

    Answer by tnm786 at 7:52 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Your vent must have made you feel better! tell him to pay for your services because if you weren't around he would have to hire someone, and he works 8 hours, but your hours are infinitely!!! If it is any consolation mom, those kids will forever be attached to you emotionally, which is more than he will ever be able to say.....

    Answer by older at 7:53 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • There are two ways to look at this.
    As a fricking hell hole, and ungrateful, and miserable all day.
    Or as a blessing you are able to stay home, your man has a job, and it is a good thing you are doing for your family.
    The man makes a living, the Woman makes the life worth living.
    I would say that you just need a new perspective and an appreciation for all that you have. Men really hate nagging more than anything and need to be treated like puppies. Start thanking him on a regular basis for what he does do, and it will start to get good to him. Also, put requests for help in his right ear- studies have shown that men are more responsive to that and actually listen.
    My man does absolutely nothing, because he travels alot. So I know what you mean I have 3 kids.
    I have chosen to see it as a gift, that I have 3 kids and the ability to SAH if I want to. GL!

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:02 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Make a list of things you expect him to do. Tell him that from now on he is responsible for those things. Make a detailed list of everything you do everyday. Then refer to Mrs.Leftlane's comment above.

    Answer by meooma at 8:07 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I agree with Mrs Leftlane.

    Answer by slw123 at 10:08 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • Grrr. You can either be a bitch and tell him you need him to do this, and don't give him an option, or you can try to be sweet about it. Bat your eyes, touch his inner arm and ask him to please help. The latter worked best for my SO, but I know some of my friends only get help when they are bitchy about it.

    Answer by Sarahb21 at 10:11 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • thats alot of men, sometimes the moms on strike thing works, sometimes it causes more issues. I would stop doing as much and when he bitches say you know what, Help me out some or I just wont do crap around here

    Answer by Leelee1008 at 10:14 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

  • I do not understand why so many men do not respect what their wives contribute to the family. just onne of the reasons I always have worked at least PT. I like my husband knowing that I have financial skin-in-the-game too. I work, he works. I parented and he parented. Not 50/50 but 100/100-


    Answer by Sisteract at 10:49 PM on Apr. 11, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.