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Shocking discovery in Stepson's bedroom!! I need help please!

I live with my two daughters (14 & 9) and my stepson (12,will be 13 in a month) My husband is currently not in the household (long story) I decided to wash SS's sheets and blankets from his bed and I discovered a pair of my 9 y/o daughter's underwear stuffed up at the top of his bed. For the past three weeks my 9 y/o has been complaining about not having any underwear. Upon further investigation of my SS's bedroom I discovered a large shoe box containing 21 pairs of his little sister's underwear and 15 pairs of my underwear along with one of my summer shirts,some of my lingerie, and some pantyliners (unused)I just don't know what to do or how to approach this inappropriate behavior. I am pretty uncomfortable and shocked by this discovery! Please help with your ideas and suggestions. Thank you Cafemom member's in advance!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (25)
  • I would sit down and talk to him. At his age its normal to have curiousity about the opposite sex and even though it is your and his sisters things hes probably just getting to THAT age where he is going to start masterbating and things like that. If he is uncomfortable talking to you then see if there is a male friend or relative he might feel comfortable talking to. I wouldnt JUMP right on him because itll alienate him from talking openly. And where is his real mom anyway? Why isnt he with her if your dh isnt in the home? If shes around I would also talk to her and if it bothers you alot you can always send him to his mothers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • wierd! is all i can say to that one i would be shocked myself. Id talk to his father about the situation and the two of you need to find away to talk to him. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • First, I wouldn't be shocked. This is pretty normal for this age. Just take the stuff out of his room and wash them and return them to their rightful owners. Your SS will be very embarrassed if you call a lot of attention to this. You don't want to make him feel bad for sexual curiosity. It probably doesn't have anything to do with it being yours or your dd's. It is sexual curiosity that is normal. He will know that you found it by the fact that it's not in there anymore. I would encourage him to have a good relationship with a responsible male figure that can help answer his questions. Sounds like stuff with his dad is up in the air so try to find a young man in the church or at school that can help him with his questions of puberty.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 11:56 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Masturbation is normal, not the other things. I hope you find a solution


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • As a Mom of 2 teenage boys I agree that Masturbation is normal. But, steeling underwear and such is something I've not dealt with. Every child is different but if you're uncomfortable with it then you need to address it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I think she is addressing it if she removes the underwear from his room....there is no need to talk to him about it. That will just embarrass him and that could be devastating to him. If you make it out to be a "crime" then you are going to hurt him emotionally.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 12:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I don't think it's normal. I think you should talk to him, privately, or have his dad talk to him if that's an option. Just taking them is not addressing the situation, just showing him you will ignore it. He may find other ways to satisfy his curiosity if he doesn't talk to someone about it. He probably will be embarrassed, but that would be the least of my worries. Maybe you could even talk to a counselor, therapist, or even your family doctor to get their input. I would be very concerned about this kind of behavior.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 1:45 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I as my opinion ask his father and see what his lifestyle was befre you met him(if you havent known him for along time) because i think he has another life and is gay.but accpet him for who he wants to be if thats the reason. everything would turn out better

    Answer by hmp1 at 2:31 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Seriously there are too many ppl. here who take a cry for help way too lightly! Masterbation IS normal stealing a 9 yr old's under wear IS NOT NORMAL.

    1. Call his dad (i don't care how pissed you are at him, this isn't about you or him right now, this is HIS son and HE needs to know and address this ASAP) the longer you wait the uglier things will get.
    2. Call you step son's pediatricion and ask him what he thinks and how it should be handled

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • continued...
    3. Address it, stay on top of it, and for precoustions's sake ask your daughters if they know that NO ONE is suposed to EVER touch their private spots, ask them what they are supposed to do if something like this should happen to them , and role play them telling you (to make them comfortible) "mom X person touched my butty and it made me feel yucky" It sounds crude but God forbid this has happened to them it will make them feel more at ease telling you.
    4. Agree with your husband that you will not tollerate your things or the girls things being taken and used in such a disrespectful manner. Your his mother and sisters this is gross.
    I have 2 brothers and one sister and neither of my brothers ever did something so gross sure in their teens they had girlie mags but never did they have my 9 yr old under wear that's weird and does need to be addressed

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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