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In referrence to the TTC vs. adoption post

I didn't read every response to that question but I guess I had my own question. Did I understand that someone thinks if you are TTC you shouldn't also pursue adoption? That makes no sense to me. Are you saying pick one or the other? For many people adoption is NOT the last resort. I can see someone's point about if you are TTC and pursuing adoption, then you get pregnant and give up the adoption or vice versa. But to want adopted kids as well as birth children...or even adopted kids instead of birth children....I can't see a problem with that. I guess I have another point...since I have not been able to conceive in 13 years, and we are hoping to adopt soon, should I go on birth control to prevent a pregnancy? It just sort of seems like people have an either/or mindset. I think you might miss out on a lot of love and joy that way.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • We are doing a surrogacy.(Her egg and she carries)
    However we are also going to pursue trying to have our own.
    If i got pregnant it does not make the other method less meaingful.
    Just means we are blessed and the child(ren) will be blessed to have loving parents.
    Adoption may not be for everyone due to being divorced & so on.
    I feel it depends and people should not be devalued for how they want to have a family only for how they are as parents once the child arrives,like those that are unfit.
    Just becasue someone gets pregnant easy does not make them better than those that do not or they know more over raising a child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Some adopt because they have been unsuccessful in getting preg. They want a baby so they look to adoption. If the end result is just "we want a baby" & sometimes it is, & if they have been trying to have one but haven't got pregant, if they get pregnant then isnt that the goal? Why continue on the adoption road when there are other people who will never have the opportunity to get pregnant & the only means of creating a family adoption? Some potential bmoms dont want a family that already has kids in it. That is their choice. I would think that in some cases being preg. or revealing you are still trying & might get preg. soon would deter some potential bmoms . I wanted a family that could not have natural children. That was my choice. sometimes adopted kids get treated diffrently in a family after they have "their own". It happens so dont bash me about it. sometimes it happens. Didnt want that to be a problem for my child
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I just copied and pasted my answer to that question for you.

    I have two different cousins that adopted children and stopped using birth control years before. The never thought they would concieve/or concieve again. They felt there was no need to use medication such as birth control for no reason. The didn't have thier husbands use condoms, why would they?

    Both of these cousins had babies after they adopted. I love my second cousins exactly the same, whether adopted or not. The two that were adopted I don't even think of adopted except in cases such as this questions. Their mothers love all of their children the same.

    So now exactly why can't a husband and a wife have unprotected sex while trying to adopt???
    dhhaj

    Answer by dhhaj at 12:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Obviously they can do whatever they choose. Will some consider it unethical? Probably. I said "some" families treat adopted kids differently. Just because you didnt doesnt mean it doesnt happen. Some woman have had hystorectomies & will never concieve. Do I personally feel they should be considered first, well, yes I am. my opinion. doesnt mean I am right or wrong. White, newborn babies arent just laying around in an orphanage in like Chicago waiting for a family. They are in short supply. So if someone dreams of a child & the ONLY way they will get one is by adoption dont you think its a bit unfair for someone who is 4 mo. pregnant to be adopting a newborn? some ppl wont do the foster care route. sad, but its their choice. so in order to get a newborn they have to wait & compete with "I have the right to get pregnant while trying to adopt if I want to!".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • It is entirely possible to do both. There is no reason, as long as you are physically and mentally up to it, to keep TTC and pursuing adoption. We have successfully done it and our children are wonderful, healthy, and happy with our youngest two being 6 months apart! Don't worry about those who say that you can't, or you shouldn't. You should continue to do what feels right to YOUR family and that's all you need to consider.
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 1:16 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • i guess people can not read . I never said people cannot have biological children and adoptive children. They are all your children. I said, I THINK it is WRONG to actively TTC WHILE actively being matched with a baby AT THE SAME TIME. You need to do one or the other FOR THE MOMENT.
    You're matched, awaiting placement...its fair to still try to get pregnant??? And when you get pregnant..then what?
    TRUST ME I know of situations to where parents gotten pregnant with "their own" and kicked the other baby to the curb. It happens.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Anon 11:56 FINALLY someone who sees what I'm seeing!!! Good grief!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Anon 4:38 ~ I was 3 months pregnant with our bio daughter when we got the call for our adopted daughter. You may know of situations where adoptions have gone awry, but they are in the minority. Most of the adoptive families I know who have also suffered through infertility and were TTC and adopt at the same time felt so blessed and grateful that they had both adopted and bio children.

    With that said, it's all up to each individual family to decide what they feel is right for them. Nobody can, or should, tell them what to do or when to stop TTC. That's just ridiculous.
    mommytoadam

    Answer by mommytoadam at 5:15 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • OK, I am the OP, ANON 11:56 made a good point.... I can see where if you are a PAP, it would piss you off if someone who IS capable of conceiving children does so and then still pays an adoption agency $40, 000 for another infant.....I guess I was thinking along the lines of adopting older children out of foster care type situations or even infants out of foster care not "I have a baby inside me and want another infant" situations. I got it now....yeah....that would kinda piss me off to "compete" with a pregnant woman who wants 2 infants when there is absolutely no chance I will ever conceive. I digress..... :-)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Adoption was NOT a last resort for me either, my husband and I had both said while we were dating that we wanted to adopt after we were married. That was way before I had six miscarriages and many, many problems due to PCOS. We've never had a biological child, but I did become pregnant not long before our adoption was finalized. I miscarried, but would've been thrilled to have added to our family that way, too. I would not stop TTC while pursuing adoption if giving birth was still something I really wanted to do, nor would I give up on adopting if I had birthed bio children. Adoption was not just a way to get children, it was something I really wanted to do.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 5:18 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

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