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Shocking discovery in SS's bedroom!!! Help!

I live with my two daughters (14 & 9) and my stepson (12,will be 13 in a month) My husband is currently not in the household (long story) I decided to wash SS's sheets and blankets from his bed and I discovered a pair of my 9 y/o daughter's underwear stuffed up at the top of his bed. For the past three weeks my 9 y/o has been complaining about not having any underwear. Upon further investigation of my SS's bedroom I discovered a large shoe box containing 21 pairs of his little sister's underwear and 15 pairs of my underwear along with one of my summer shirts,some of my lingerie, and some pantyliners (unused)I just don't know what to do or how to approach this inappropriate behavior. I am pretty uncomfortable and shocked by this discovery! Please help with your ideas and suggestions. Thank you Cafemom member's in advance!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (29)
  • I think you, the father and his mother need to get together first and decide how this can be handled. This is not normal and he may need counseling. I would also talk to your daughters and make sure nothing has happened with them.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • If your dh isnt in the home then he should legally be living with his mother anyway. Maybe you can get a hold of her and see if she cannot let him come live with her for awhile since this is disturbing you. Also remember at 12 hes learning about his body and sex so some of it is probably that. You have two girls and its a different ballgame altogether with girls then boys. I have both.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • OK this is gonna come out very wrong and I am sorry but... He might like to wear them... I would still talk with your daughter and make sure that she is OK and nothing has happen to her. The reason I say what I did was I had seen something, and for the life of me can't remember where about a little boy that liked to wear girls clothing and it started with wearing his sisters undies. He was a little boy too. If that offended you I am sorry, its just a possibility.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I totally disagree with the PP! This is normal - it doesn't indicate that he's molesting the dd anymore than he is molesting YOU! He is a sexually curious preteen! God! Give him a break! It's not a federal offense! Don't draw attention to it - just wash the underwear and return them to the rightful owner. As for counseling for this alone, no, he doesn't need it! If that were the case then 98% of America would be in counseling!! Stop freaking out and give the poor kid a break. He's gonna know you were in his room b/c they are not there anymore. That's enough! If you handle this discreetly and with respect the outcome will be MUCH better than if you blow the shit in the fan and embarrass him. That could scar him for a very long time!!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 12:04 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Him masturbating is normal, not the other things!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Gotta agree with baby love. I would still talk with your daughter just to be on the safe side. I wouldn't come out and say has your brother been touching you...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I WOULD GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE RIGHT AWAY MAKE HIS DAD TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE ELSE YOUR GIRLS NEED TO BE SAFE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM I WOULD GO SEE A SHRINK TO ASK WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM I WOULD NOT TRUST HIM AROUND YOUR GIRLS AT ALL ! IN MY HOME STATE THERE WAS A PANTY THEIF THAT WENT AROUND TO DORMS AND LAUNDRY MATS TO STEAL PANTIES THEY FOUND THOUSANDS IN HIS HOME HE ALSO HAD HUNDREDS OF MOVIES OF PORNOS AND ICK FETISH MOVIES ! LIKE I SAID IT MIGHT NOT BE A SMALL PROBLEM !

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • OMG, Anon 11:14! Are you kidding me?! This is so damn normal at THIS AGE! We are not talking about a college kid. We are talking about a 12 almost 13 yr old!! Why does everyone have to hit the panic button when a kid discovers sex?! Good grief!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 12:19 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • i agree with babylove its normal
    wendy232425

    Answer by wendy232425 at 12:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I think if you just take the items, wash them and return them - he will realize he got caught and stop doing it. but keep your eyes peeled to see if it starts happening again. Maybe just leave a note in the box that just says "Please do not take what is not yours" ?
    gypsysmiles

    Answer by gypsysmiles at 1:13 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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