I have a friend who adopted a boy about 2 1/2 years ago, he's going to be 10 this month and they have had nothing but problems with him. My friend isn't a new parent, she has 2 grown daughters of her own, and grandkids, she is a great mom. Her new adopted son is having problems following rules, at school and at home. He always "forgets" his homework, his teacher says he knows the lessons and does great but only when he wants to. He lies A LOT. My friend and her dh have tried everything, punishment, taking things away, praising good behavior and not giving as much attention to bad behavior, nothing seems to work. He actually seems to be getting worse. He's had 2 big incidents at school, one being pinning a kindergartener down and shoving leaves in his mouth. The other happened today and he told a girl that she was going to die today and made a gun with his fingers and then pointed it at his own head. They've tried spanking, grounding, no dessert, going straight to bed after dinner and rewarding good behavior. They get about 2-3 days of "good" behavior every 2-3weeks. My friend is about at her witts end. He has an appointment at a place that works with kids who have been adopted, or have autism, or ADHD to establish if he has any mental disorders, but that's not until May. I've tried to help my friend with parenting advice, being a mom of 2 with one on the way, but nothing I've suggested has worked for him either. I feel bad for my friend and wish there was more I can do to help, she is very upset and stressed, and just doesn't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be appreciated, please no rude comments...thanks.Answer Question
Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Apr. 11, 2011 in General Parenting
Answer by agallo004 at 10:39 PM on Apr. 11, 2011
Even children with autism/ADHD, etc have success with behavior charts and visuals. Create a chart showing what the expectations are. Decide what the rewards/incentives will be. Decide what a good starting point would be--you want to make the goal attainable, then raise it as the child succeeds. Give the reward once it is achieved--do not delay. Keep it visable. Put stickers or smiley faces on the chart.
On my son's chart we have
wake up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, no AM meltdowns, do homework, follow directions, no PM meltdowns
My son does not give them a problem at school, but you can add soemthing like no behaviors at school as well.
Answer by layh41407 at 10:40 PM on Apr. 11, 2011
Answer by ABusyBee at 10:40 PM on Apr. 11, 2011
Answer by ABusyBee at 10:42 PM on Apr. 11, 2011
Answer by shantaa_alvara at 10:42 PM on Apr. 11, 2011
Answer by laird6372 at 10:57 PM on Apr. 11, 2011