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2 Bumps

I can't have sex. Why can't I turn this off.... Help. **TMI**

First off, thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this.

So dh and I have been together 9 years. 4 children in those nine years and dh has gone from over 200lbs to about 160lbs. I'm so proud of him. But even he will admit to you that it is not because of diet and exercise. It's from doing his job and not having time to eat.

Anyway, in those 9 years i've gone from barely 110lbs to tipping the scale at 200 pretty much(195-197). Shortly after our youngest was born ( 16 months ago), my sex drive hit the roof. Going like rabbits.

Lately however, past few weeks, every time dh tries to initiate sex I cringe. It's not him. It really is me. I close my eyes and I see my fat stomach or the turkey rolls on my neck and I can only imagine how disgusting I look. I try to push it from my mind but all I really end up thinking is, "Please God don't let him touch my stomach. Please don't ask to have sex with the lights on, or during the day. Please don't ask me to get on top, you'll be able to see. Please just finish fast, so you don't have to see me."

I know he thinks something is very wrong because like I said. I was highly sexual. I can't even fake my way through it. I don't even like him touching me just for a hug.

I've been dieting and trying to get as much exercise as possible. But the stomach area seems to be stuck there, laughing at me. My doc said I need plastic surgery to correct that. He said he didn't really think there would be too much of a change in that area without it. Well doc, we're just now building a savings, 4 kids and trying to repair our credit. I CAN"T have plastic surgery. NOT an option.

I've talked to dh about my feelings and he assures me that he still finds me as sexy as ever. But lets be real. He simply says that to avoid hurting my feelings.

How can I get over this self image issue?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:15 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I have been there. I was at a good weight for me when we got together and gained about almost 60 in 4 years. I took off 20 and then I got pregnant. I have just lost the last of my baby weight 3 years postpartum. I can tell you that with every pound that I lose I seem to feel sexier and more attractive. He has always found me sexy and attractive even though I didn't. Just keep focusing on your abs and you may be able to get it to tone up and may not need the surgery. You have to look at yourself in a new light and let your DH love and appreciate you for who you are.

    Answer by coala at 8:33 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Do you think that your DH is a lying and deceitful man? If no, then why would you assume that he's lying to you. You are dissatisfied with your body, that doesn't mean he is. Were you any less satisfied by him when he was a little heavier? You have to accept yourself for the way you are now, until and unless you are able to change your body. Find something postiive to recognize in each of your body parts. When you look at your stomach think "Thank you for so adequeately holding my 4 beautiful babies", etc. I hope you can change your way of thinking because you are robbing yourself of your connection to your DH and that's not fair to either of you.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 8:25 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • He loves you for YOU! If he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't try it on :) Bu tI know how you feel, I've ballooned after my baby, so it's healthy eating and excercise, boring but it's the only way to get your figure back.

    Answer by kylie_bob at 8:34 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I am goin to be honest, I feel the same way and it takes me forever to lose, and even then it's not much. But, I am here to tell you your Dr. is full of crap! Get a 2nd opinion! Your husband isn't lying to you either, he really feels that way about you... you liked him at 200 right!? To get to my point! I'm 185 and just recently lost 4 lbs in a week with weight watchers, and it's expected to continue. You shouldn't be trying for surgery, it should be a different way, you'll feel better about it. Once the surgery is done, it's not like your habits have changes, so what will keep you from gaining it back!?

    Answer by kbishop8688 at 8:39 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I have been there myself and I have been trying really hard to overcome it. Its hard but you have to believe that your pretty no matter what and not care what people think. Whenever your husband says that he thinks your still sexy believe it because his opinion is the only that matters not everyone elses trust me. I am over coming it because I believe in my self and I believe that I can lost it if I try to. If I were you i wouldnt care what everyone else thought but your husband and be proud of who you are and not what people expect you to be. If you listen to other people it can effect the out come so whenever your husband says that your sexy believe him becasue with you dealing with that it could cause you to become depressed and you dont need that. I hope that you gain the confidence that I have to overcome your fear of not looking beautiful.

    Answer by shelle21 at 8:39 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • i feel the same way. i gained 89 pounds with my son, 9 months later i've only lost 20 pounds.
    but lately i've felt better. i started going on early morning walks with my son before DF gets home. the sun makes me feel happy, the weight is slowly going away, and it just helps make me feel better for the day

    Answer by Gidgetsafreaq at 8:57 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Me & dh have been together for 10yrs. When we met i was about 130lbs in highschool.. we had a kid @ 24yo & I gained alot of weight. I now weigh 220lbs.. DH is still just as wild about me.. Yup I hide my belly & everything too. I hate my weight. but he doesnt seem bothered by it at all sexually..
    If your not already slowly start to work out. You may lose weight, but just by working out & getting stronger it may help u feel better about yourself. I remember just after birth even with the weight. i felt so sexy & like a woman cuz i gave birth. lol... do something, try something, that makes you feel strong. get out in the sun it can help your mood as well too..
    Good luck. we are in the same boat.. It is hard!!

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 10:09 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I know exactly what you are going through. I just had our 2nd baby and during this pregnancy i gained 45 lbs. Right before I got pregnant I lost 17 lbs. I still wasnt down to my pre-pregnancy weight from my first but I was well on my way and then woops I got pregnant. I had the baby the end of January and when I left the hospital I was 225lbs now I'm down to 194 lbs. Most of the weight that came off was water weight. I had a lot of fluids pumped into me (long story), but I exercise every single day and I have been watching what I eat. Cut down on your food portions, if you go for 2nds at dinner dont. The weight will come off (hopefully). I am still wearing maternity clothes 11weeks after baby is born because I refuse to buy clothes that fit because I know me...I will get comfortable & force myself to lose the weight. Husband says I am beautiful but honestly who feels sexy or beautiful when they are overweight

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 10:35 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think you are just like me...waaaay to hard on yourself. My husband tells me almost everyday that i look sexy when i get my jeans or shorts on. I do NOT feel sexy at all..i dont even like to wear shorts. But when i talk bad on myself ((the truth)), he always says that i am my worst enemy and i am mean to myself. Im sure your husband loves everything about you! Its just you are used to being in a very small body and its like waking up one day and being a whole different person.
    After having my daughter i was 191. I did the insanity 6 times in 2 weeks and now im 183. Try the Insanity program :-) even losing 5lbs makes you feel a TON better! =]]

    Answer by Mommy103110 at 10:36 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • cont.

    I have this big old baby pouch and a scar that goes from belly button to pubic bone. What I'm trying say is you are not alone. My husband is overweight too and he wants to lose weight so i am forcing us to watch what we eat and exercise. We need to be healthy to set a good example for our kids. Be positive, go for walks, buy a exercise dvd. I hear zumba is pretty fun. Good luck, if you need support I am here for you.

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 10:38 AM on Apr. 12, 2011