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Divorce questions...

I'm seriously considering divorce (DH refuses to work on our marriage--I've been trying for 2 years and doing it all by myself, so please don't bash)...So I had a few questions...
1) If you have kids, do you change your name back to your maiden name? Or keep your married name? Do you have to have that Court Ordered, or can you do it just by changing your name on your SSN card?
2) What is important to have in the papers regarding financials? (I'm a SAHM, don't want any alimony, but would like to split the savings, as the only reason we have savings is because I put away my "spending" money)
3) Do you do an itemized list for belongings, or just split it up yourselves? We don't have much "joint" property--furniture, tv..He has a vehicle in his name and one in mine...
4) Any other ideas?

I know all the custody stuff, as DH has a daughter from a previous marriage, so we deal with all of that already...Don't need advice with all of that...

Again, at this point, I'm CONSIDERING it, it's not a definite...Maybe he will pull his head out of his butt long enough to help me to fix our marriage. I don't WANT a divorce, but I'm not going to be unhappy the rest of my life just to avoid divorce.


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • 1. I kept my name, if you want to change it you need it in the Court order so you can give it to social security to show your name changed back.
    2. Financially in a divorce you would go through Equitable distribution. When you petition you include your demands like splitting the savings. Hopefully you can agree without a fight, otherwise a judge decides and if youre in a community property state then it is usually split.
    3. You can make a list of items you wish to keep. If they are valuable and you cant decide together petition to have them sold and split the profits, same with the cars. You keep yours, he keeps his, put it in the petition.
    4. Be sure to get a detailed custody arrangement, with drop off/pick up, who can assist, who cant, no over night guests of the opp sex unless married, child support etc.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:10 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I personally am keeping his name so that the kids and I match names unless I remarry. You have to court order it and get it approved.
    I just told my lawyer what I wanted, they just need a list to make sure there isn't any debts left over that both parties need to take care of. Dh and I split everything our selves and told the lawyers that.. no issues. drop me a line if you have any more questions.. we are still in the process of but i'm sure I have asked my lawyer all the questions you want to know haha. just remember that every divorce is different by state, county and judge so not everything will be the same.

    I had to take a 5 hour parenting class.. I laughed, stay at home mom learning how to be a parent.. too funny

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 9:11 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • On on debts, get the court order to say anything in his name primarily is his responsibility, anything in just yours is yours, anything in both is split down the middle. You can give that to a creditor if they come after you for his debts.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:12 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I am not divorced, but my parents and my sis are. When my mom got divorced she kept her married name, my sis changed hers back to her maiden name (sis has no kids & did not want the name to 'tie' her to the ex). When my mom and dad divorced mom took her personal property and items she wanted as for furniture and joint things (like pictures) they talked it out and divided it up amongst themselves-- we had 2 vehicles and they each took 1. My sis and her ex - she kept the house and most of the furnishings - and she did end up giving him the truck while she took the older car.
    For personal papers you might want insurance documents, 401K and bank statements maybe pay stubs as well.

    Answer by MizLee at 9:13 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Name change is a choice for you to make, they put that in the divorce and you go change your ssn card, its the simplest way you dont want to go through going to the court house and filling out separate papers etc. the property and financial stuff is usually decided and agreed upon with lawyers they list uit out ask what you want , he wants etc, if theres a dispute then theres a trial by judge, which is a mess, it really depends if its amicable or not how simple it is.

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 9:13 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • If you change your name back to your maiden name you can have it put in the divorce papers. If it is not in the divorce papers you have to pay a court fee to change your name. Finances you need to have exactly who gets what regarding all of the assets. Retirement, savings, all of that needs to be accounted for. As far as alimony being a SAHM given the economy you should probably take it until you are able to get a job and on your feet. Belongings you will need an itemized list unless you two split on friendly enough terms that you are not fighting over things. My ex and I had lived separately for a long while before the divorce was final so for us we just had it put in the papers that he kept what he had and I kept what I had at our residences. I hope you are able to work it out, but you are right a marriage is not something you fix on your own.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:16 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I agree with Alanaplus3. Take special note on the alimony statement. If you are eligible for it in your state, take it. You can always put it in savings for the future. You get half of the savings that you already have unless he agrees to give it all to you. Just tell the man to wake up and smell the roses or he'll wake up one day and his garden will be empty!

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:28 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I don't want alimony. My parents have told me that our kids and I can stay with them and they will help out until I get a job (obviously aside from the money in savings I could use to support us and the child support). He has 3 kids with me, plus my SD, so he'd be paying over 1/2 of his income on child support, and I don't want to make things tight for him.

    I think we'd be able to do it amicably. He and his ex-wife did it amicably, and they can't stand each other...I'm going to talk to him soon about starting papers if things don't change.

    Also, in the state we'd go through, my brother is an attorney and has handled some family issues, so I'd have an attorney to help me with the paperwork. In our state, though, we have to be separated for 12 months atleast, so we've got time to get it all figured out.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:36 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

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