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How to kill someone with kindness?

My husbands EX Wife is driving me Crazy. I have to see this woman atleast 2-3 times a week. We go to the same church are kids play ball at the same park. She is always tryng to cook up some drama where there is nothing, and recently I learned she even forced the children to make up a story to tell their father. Luckly my husband did not believe it.

Has anyone dealt with a person like this?

What is the best way to handle the situation?

Should I be fake and super polite until she cant stand it?

Usually I just put my shades on and ignore her, but I think that is what she likes, and she feels she has gotten the best of me.

Im so tired of playing her little games, I just want it to end!


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Personally id do what you are. Why feed the fire? If you feel the need to talk to her be a frenemy. I am super duper good at killing people with kindness. I have become a pro. I can be friendly to almost anyone, and even if they are mean to me I am super nice back and it really makes people wonder what you are doing. I just ignore snide comments and say something nice. Most of the time I might not mean it at all, but I am being nice, I look like the bigger person if others are around, and no one can say anything bad about me without looking like a complete asshole themselves.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:34 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Hmmmm. I would just be super duper nice until she can't take it anymore. People like her usually don't know what to do when you're nice to them.

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 9:35 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Sorry, I don't "kill" anyone with kindness. It just ain't gonna happen--I don't have it in me to fake something I don't feel. If I don't like you, I will just ignore you, so I'd probably just keep doing what you're doing and not give a rip whether she thinks she's getting to you. Just quit thinking about her, ignore her, and then she WON'T have gotten the best of you. But by worrying about it, hashing out ways you can passively-aggressively dish it back to her, then you kind of ARE letting her get at ya.

    Answer by vicesix at 9:35 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • @viesix --i find it hard to be fake as well, that is why i usually just put my shades on and ignore her ass. maybe thats why she keeps stuff going. she likes to call these little meetings, because the kids have concerns... or because i overstepped my boundaries....or im making the kids fat meanwhile she is twice my size and im six months prego. it is just non stop. so it is kind of hard to ignore because my kids always want to go say hi, or they sit with the stepkids at church, so it is always in my face, or she sends emails, and text messages... what would you do?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:42 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • this is something you really need to take up with your husband about ......find out what his take on this whole thing is.....and as for the ball park and church......let the kids sit with the steps you dont have to, and i would ignore her at the ball park and enjoy watching your kids play.....

    Answer by cara124 at 10:03 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • the problem is i have a two year old who wants to be a part of the mix. i cant have her running over to her and me just sit someplace else. Then when my in laws join us at the park, i look like the one who is being a snob. they already worship the ground she walks on.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:07 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • That is tough.

    First-the meetings. I would refuse the meeting requests from now on. She has no right. If she has an issue with you-too bad. If she has an issue with the kids she can take it up with their father.

    Second- Boundaries. When you are at church with your family, set the rule that your children stay seated with your family. They can not sit with her family if they came with you. And vice versa applies. When they are with the stepfamily, they stay with them. Draw a line and set some rules. If the kids are running around at the park, that is different, the kids can run and play together. However, if there is time to be seated, they should stay with you and dh.

    Any emails or texts from her, you block or ignore. CUT off communication. Again, she has something to say, she can take it to the child's father...not you

    I would seriously move to a different town, or at the very least change church and baseball teams.


    Answer by spottedpony at 11:11 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Good advice, spottedpony. That's what I'd do--just have as little interaction with her as humanly possible.

    Answer by vicesix at 11:30 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Thanks for the input- except we moved from fl to ga in july to be closer to the kids. We go to the same church because the kids have to take communion classes and i dont want to have to go to a different church every other week. We also registered the kids at the park so we could see the ss and sd more often and also so when we have them on the weekend we can watch all the kids play ball instead of having to go to different fields, especially when my husband has to work and I am responsible for transport.The bio mother limits my husband to only 4 days out of the month. We have to take her back to court to have that fixed. its just money is so tight right now, and the original agreement was for when we lived in fl and she was in GA we would have the kids 5 weeks in the summer and he had liberal visitation. She doesnt allow any other time during the week, so I have to sacrafice my sanity in order for my dh to see the kids.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:02 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think all you can do is grin and bare it with her. When she calls her "dressing down" because you've yet again "misbehaved" just say I understand. Nothing else. At the ball field and church,just keep to yourself and others will see her true colors. She's obviously bitter about your relationship. Don't be fake, just be the bigger person and let her childish behaviors go. As for any contact that's not pertinent to the children I would not respond to. Or forward it to your dh. I think you're a super person for putting up with this aggravation so your dh can spend time with his children.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:25 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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