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2 Bumps

How do I respond to 'mommy' when I am engaged to be stepmom?

I'm engaged to a man with 3 kids. We have lived together for 5 months. The kids mom calls and visits occasionally, but is very egocentric and offers no financial support. I was adopted and I thank god every day for the chance to return the love that was given to me and so I love these kids with all that I've got. They have allways called me ms. Gwen, until yesterday. There mother visited them for the first time in almost a year. She had them for 2 weeks. I expected them to test boundaries when they got back, but the four year old immediately started calling me mom! I figured after a few years this would happen and I hope someday they will all love me that strongly, but what's going on in my little guys head!? I simply responded as if he had called me Ms.Gwen. Was this the right thing to do? If I don't respond right away he just yells 'mom' louder!(I'm not used to the name so I didn't hear him a couple times, at first) he stopped doing it right before bed. I think I overheard his older brother say 'that's not 'mom'. Should I acknowledge the title? How do you talk to a four year old about somthing so complicated?!?!

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Ms.Gwen

Asked by Ms.Gwen at 10:04 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (4,795 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • i would let him call you mom its not going to hurt anyone and he might feel more secure calling you mom
    damionsmommy2

    Answer by damionsmommy2 at 10:08 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • We never allowed the kids to call the step parents mom or dad because they arent. At 4 its a tough age because they just give titles to people, but the older child is already contesting this and it is something you probably need to sit down with the kids and their dad and discuss. The last thing you want or need are the older kids becoming resentful of the idea of calling you mom ya know? I always told mine my husband wasnt there to replace their dad, they only had one dad. My ex had my son (4 at the time as well) calling his gf mom and I spoke up about it. We both agreed neither of us wanted that title to anyone but us (mom or dad name). Instead the 4 yr old could call them by their first name or Mommy________ or Daddy________. He is 11 now and doesnt use those terms, just first names.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:08 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Honestly, I would tell him you're not his mother, because you're not. Although my child's father is not in her life, I would never let her call another man dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • You are their step mom, or will be soon. Calling you mom is not wrong. They feel that you deserve that title.

    I don't discourage my 4 year old from calling SO dad and neither does he discourage his 11 year old from calling me mom. We don't tell them to do it, it's their choice.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:12 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • You don't. You roll with it. Why not? You knew it was coming, their mom is pretty much gone, and you are marrying their dad.
    luv.my.kids.365

    Answer by luv.my.kids.365 at 10:12 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • She had been gone for a year? I think you are an amazing person, and deserve the right to be called Mom, it that is what they choose! I would say don't make any issue over it, if they feel comfortable calling you Mom, let them,,,you can say it is possible to have 2 moms, one who made you and one who picked you! I would always emphasize the fact that you chose to be in the family as much for them and you did their Dad! Did it make you want to cry? Congrats!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:14 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Obviously she has not been gone a year she just had a two week visit. We are not getting the whole story here.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Embrace it! My ex had 2 kids, they wanted to call me mommy & still do even though we are now divorced. The fact that they called me mom made me feel even closer to them. I love that they still call me mom i still feel like i an their mom.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:24 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • roll with it, it's cool & a good thing...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:25 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Wow! Great comments from everybody! Thankyou for the different perspectives. (except for the one questioning my story. Why would I lie in an anonymous forum?) I think that all the kids could benifit from a psych. They need third party guidance from a professional. I agree with most of you and will continue to respond casually. I can't explain things to a four year old and I still call thier mom 'mom' in reference to them. As an adopted child I allways refered to my biological mom as mother and my adopted mom as mom. I would never ask this of them. They have to figure it out for themselves. For now my response to the older son will be simple... You can't have to many people love you and I love you very much.
    Ms.Gwen

    Comment by Ms.Gwen (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

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