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Kind of at a loss...

Okay, this might be kind of long, but I would like other people's opinions on this. Currently, my 4 year old lives with me. I have full physical custody and joint legal with his father. His father pays a whole $5 a month in child support, and sees him every other weekend, given he has a ride...

His father has severe manic-depression and is suicidal. He has two court orders in effect for his medication and counseling and he's not doing either that I know of. About a year and a half ago, he got re-married to his new wife, who, IMO, is a COMPLETE bitch. She tried to get my son to call her mom on the first weekend she met him! AND HIS DAD SAID NOTHING!!! Anyways, that's not the point...lol

So, I've SERIOUSLY been considering getting a motion to suspend parenting time and get more child support (I don't have any income right now besides student loans, so it would REALLY help). Me and my fiance have been talking for a while and we think that this is best, because when he goes to his father's house, all he ends up doing is sitting on the computer playing games and watching his shows (my son, not the father), and, from what I've heard, his father sleeps all day because he's up with his new child at night (he NEVER did that with our son when we were together).

We believe it would be in my son's best interest to stay with us, because he HATES going to his father's house. He cries and screams the whole time we drop him off, and he says he's always in trouble there.

While I have my son (dad only gets hi every other weekend), his dad never calls or anything to see how our son's doing or anything. He refuses to participate in counseling that I have for my son because of his behavior issues, and it seriously seems like he doesn't even care.

What do you think? Would it be best if I just took full custody? He absolutely LOVES my fiance and NEVER wants to leave us...I would just like some opinions to see that I'm doing what's best.

Answer Question
 
GothicChk52

Asked by GothicChk52 at 10:11 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,398 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • how about full-custody with supervised-visitation..if that is possible??
    $5 a month??? was your ex not working or something when that amount was set? i'd definitely hit him up for more CS.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:15 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Yes, take full custody. His father has demonstrated that he is not interested in doing best by his child..not attending counseling is the big one. There is a reason your child is kicking and screaming to go there, you need to listen to that. Mothers do know what is best, so as long as you can deep down honestly separate any residual resentments for ex husband and new wife versus the best for your son, you should listen to your instincts and do what YOU think is best. Your child only has one mother and one chance at this life.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:16 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • My ex has never worked a day in his life...He's on PA, but doesn't do anything with that either. Thank you, guys. I appreciate your honesty.
    GothicChk52

    Comment by GothicChk52 (original poster) at 10:18 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • In the best interest of the child should be every-one's goal, but unfortunately judges, courts, lawyers have a skewed idea of what that is. The bio has rights regardless of their failure to support or visit the child which are rarely taken away. Its sad that your little guy has to suffer because of the rights of his biodad. Try for full custody, more child support, parenting classes and whatever else you can think of to make his dad MISERABLE and maybe you'll get lucky and he will voluntarily sign the all important Termination of Parent Rights (TPR). Good luck to both you and your son.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:20 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I agree with spottedpony... Mom knows best and if the guy isn't taking his meds, not going to court ordered counseling, and the child is afraid to go to his house I think I would be petitioning the court for supervised visitation, too. I think money shouldn't be a factor.. sounds like the guy can barely take care of himself, I would just write any support from him off. Good luck, sounds like a heart-breaking decision, no matter which way you go.
    Lorithehun

    Answer by Lorithehun at 10:24 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I agree with meooma. Good luck!
    KateShesGreat3

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 10:24 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • My BF is dealing with a similar situation........ill tell you what they decided.....not to force the issue ...if daddy ,mommy or anyone for that matter want to see or spend time with the kid/kids then they should step up and make an effort....if your child is unhappy going and seeing dad them maybe pull rank and say no more OR maybe small few hour visits in stead of overnights....all in all your childs happiness is most important even if it means not set time with dad. Hope it works out
    MamaRudolph

    Answer by MamaRudolph at 10:26 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • If you have an order saying he has to do things and he isnt then you go back to court for contempt and force it. Once you have him in contempt go for a modification of child custody with an increase of child support also being heard at the same time.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:27 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Thanks, guys. You are helping SO much.
    GothicChk52

    Comment by GothicChk52 (original poster) at 10:35 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • you would need proof but if you have no proof you can ask the court that he provide proof of the treatment he supposed to do. RE his wife you don't have to like her unless she is abusive the court won't get involved with that.. but maybe you can ask your child not be left alone with her and/or motion that the child only call you mom & him dad, state your son shouldn't spend more then one hour on tv or computer, also you can ask for his dad to participate in counseling.. you should try to get support but visitation & support are different issues to the court.. everyother weekend is normal visitation.. you will need a lawyer if going for soul custody. message me if you want I've been in/out of court for 10 years so i know how to motion the court. please keep a journal of anything important
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 11:22 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

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