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How do I explain to my kids that their cousins aren't really their Aunt and Uncle?

Long story short.. My sister had her kids removed by the state and my parents adopted them, now my Mother is telling my niece and nephew that their niece and nephew are in Texas..

I don't want to confuse my kids and I am a bit angry that my Mother is doing so.. but how do I get my kids to understand that Cambria and Ryan are their cousins and not their Uncle and Aunt?


Asked by zoejains_momma at 10:24 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 28 (35,675 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Tell them the truth, your mom is wrong, biologically they are cousins. End of story.

    Answer by choco_mom at 10:34 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Wait, I don't understand why this matters. Aunt, uncle, is family and that is what matters. Since your parents do not want to apparently reveal to the children that they have been adopted, I would honor that, if it is in the best interest of the children who are adopted. That seems to be a bigger concern to me than whether your children know them as cousins or aunt/uncle.

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:28 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • You tell them the truth. Their biological mother is your sister and their adopted mom and dad are your parents. That they were adopted and legally they are their aunt and uncle, but biologically they are cousins.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:25 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • If your parents adopted them, then legally they are their cousins, so that is not a lie in any way.

    I would wait until they are at an age to where they would understand and just nonchalantly mention to them after they see them at a family visit that your sister had kids and your parents adopted them and those kids are Cambria and Ryan.

    My DD is adopted and is 5 years old...she has known from the get-go and still doesn't fully understand what it means, but she gets the jest of it all, so even that is not too young.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:32 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • It depends on there age, for them to be capable of understanding this kind of situation. I would just keep reenforcing ''cousin'' and not ''aunt and uncle'' and I would have a talk with your mother as well!

    Answer by knicole0708 at 10:26 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I don't think it matters. When they are older they will be able to figure out the family relationships. And since your mother adopted them, they are technically now your kids aunt and uncle by adoption. So they really are both and if your parents want them to be called aunt and uncle, what difference does it make? Surely your kids will not feel lied to when they find out.
    : )

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:29 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • My kids are 2 and 5. Cam and Ry are 10 and 11. I don't care if my parents adopted them or not.. fact of the matter is by blood they are MY niece and nephew, some piece of paper doesn't change that and I want my kids to understand that.. it is one thing if they adopted kids outside of the family but the fact that those kids have biological family they see all the time. I just don't think it is right to confuse them or other family members.. they can be my parents "kids" but past that I believe the relationship should be known.. it is not like they don't know my parents are their grandparents I just don't feel it is right to keep up the idiocy of calling my kids their niece and nephew.. whats the point..

    Comment by zoejains_momma (original poster) at 10:36 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Why does a title matter? They are FAMILY and that is all the matters. My cousins kids know me as an aunt because the age difference between us is huge. They know that I am really their cousin but they chose to call me aunt. My friends kids call me aunt to. In the scope of things, this is something that is not worth worrying about.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:36 AM on Apr. 12, 2011