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Question about a teenager.. need major advice!

Okay, this is about my sister, who is 9 yrs younger than me. My Mom is trying to deal with a huge life change, and on top of that...her 17 yr old daughter. Okay, so in a nutshell..my mother had to move to a different state (only about 2.5 hrs away)..due to a homeless situation, and my sister stayed back w/a friend to finish this last 8 or so weeks of her Junior year in highschool. She has a boyfriend, who she has dated for about 2 or so years. My mom is planning on her moving in with her, once this school year is over-with. My sister absolutely refuses to move down here, and wants to move in with her boyfriend this summer, and then finish her senior year there. She turns 18 in October ...and says if Mom makes her move here, she will just turn around and move back once she turns 18. My Mom has been through a LOT lately, and just doesnt know what to do. She doesnt want to 'give up' on her...but at the same times thinks that she doesnt have control..especially once she turns 18, and is going to do what she wants to anyways. She is not a bad kid, she just thinks that she knows everything (typical teenager)..and is furious over the fact that she may have to leave her friends, and her boyfriend this summer. She does not have a job, car, or even a license.. Any advise? Has any mother been in this situation, and what did you do? Note, that my Mother did EVERYTHING she could possibly do to stay up there, and keep my sister in that school ...but it resulted in an almost homeless situation, where she had no choice but to move here, and live with family until she can get back on her feet again.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I see both sides. You are saying that your sister is a good kid. That maybe so, but is she mature enough to handle the role of a live in BF? She does not have a car, license, or job..... who is going to pay her clothing, papers for school, year book....etc? If she is 17, although not yet an adult, some states wont force her to move. I would Definately let her know that if she wants to try this summer deal with friends /bf then by all means..do so. ( this will give her the hard truth of an adult's life) I am sure these friends at some point are going to get tired of her mooching off of them and driving her around places. ( just my thoughts). Then reevaluate the situation when it comes closer to the school year starting and see how she feels about having to add school back into her schedule being responsible enough to COMPLETE the Senior year with out mom to financally support her.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:00 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think that you should keep her with you through the summer and when she's 18 let her go. I say that with my own daughter at 16 years of age. I think I would do the same, not like it but the same. I left home at 16 and never looked back. I tell my daughter when she's 18 she can do anything she wants, as long as it's not under my roof. I doubt that she will move out. So I'll have a little control. She plans on going to college.
    samif

    Answer by samif at 10:46 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I would not have left her there in the first place. If I had to move, she would have come with me. If 18 is the legal age, then I guess there wouldn't be anything that could stop her from going anywhere she pleases after that, but your mom is still responsible and it sounds to me like your sister needs to learn that all of life is not about herself and what she wants. If she's not been taught this heretofore, it's a little late to start now, but I would be found trying.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:50 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • This is a TOUGH One!!! She will do whatever she wants when she is 18 and no one can stop her. Try pointing out she has NONE of the things she NEEDS to live on her own. Job, licenses, car, her own $$. And her saying I got my BF is just SO not going to cut it. Yes kid's today think they know everything. Typical. Your Mom may just have to let the kid go off on her own and figure it out herself. There is little if anything you can do for a head strong kid who thinks she has the world all figured out. Your Mom needs to do what she is doing to help herself, and thats a GOOD thing. The 17 y.o? Only God and hard life lessons will help her I think.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:51 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • wao tough!!! but here is how i feel she shouldnt have left her in the first place now she got that taste of freedom and soon to be 18???? is very simple just talking letting her know she is always welcome back and if for any reason the relationship doesnt work out or if she is in a dangerous situation to call you or your mom...to please protect herself she dont want any babies right now...and to take things slow find a job and things like that...just remember she is not a child talk to her like an adult that way you dont close the doors for future converstions...
    4reasons2smile

    Answer by 4reasons2smile at 11:03 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • i think u should just let her face life alone since thats what she wants, and she will come back when she sees how hard it is on her own she will be back by herself.
    motherof2andone

    Answer by motherof2andone at 11:06 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • she may see that moving for a year is not so bad after all.

    Mom : I know it is hard for her, but show some tough love for sis. Make it clear that she has to do what is right for her, There is always that chance that sis if forced will return back home when she does turn 18 and then it starts all over again. Give little sis the wings to fly...then go from there. This is sisters 1st experience at adult hood. Its not all peaches and cream. But mom can't go broke sending her money either. She wants to play adult, then allow her to do so for the summer. Just pray she doesn't get pregnant in the mean time. Then come running home to mom for support.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 11:06 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

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