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Advice wanted from those who have adopted older children

My husband and I are looking to start the adoption process again. Our youngest two are almost 3 and we really want to adopt an older boy between the ages of 5-7. If you've adopted an older child, especially if there were other children in the home, I would love your words of wisdom for me as we start the adoption journey again. We adopted a baby the first time, so it feels a little bit new to us. Any advice?

 
mommytoadam

Asked by mommytoadam at 1:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (5)
  • I am in the process of adopting my 3 oldest from the foster system (check out my page). I am not going to lie to you about this, older kids do come with behavior problems, and your younger children will pick up on the bad behavior, but they are worth it. Behaviors can change, but without you, that kid's (the one you adopt) current life will (most likely) not. My kids have two extremes and rarely a middle road. They are either having huge tantrums, or being the most thoughtful loving kids ever. They will tell you about experiences YOU are not old enough to have yet, but still, they are worth it, and they need you. In the 16 months these kids have been with us, they are completely different children. (behavior) IT IS WORTH IT!!

    3gifts.from.god

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 2:00 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Sorry I don't have any personal experience with this. I would suggest looking up a group like adopting from foster care or something. There is probably people there who have adopted older children. Good luck.

    Love,
    Michelle
    hopingforanange

    Answer by hopingforanange at 2:10 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I've adopted older children several times. We are currently waiting on 2,5, & 7 year olds to come home for adoption. I say go for it. If you want a group on Cafemom that can help lots Touched by Adoption is a wonderful group with a lot of insight and is kept drama free. If you have specific questions please feel free to message me. I would say to find a special place that each child has that is their special part in the family. In large families like ours you have comedian, clean freak, Zeeky monster, princess, perpetual big brother, brainiac, the one that gets along with everyone, etc. You don't have to keep birth order for everyone to have a special place in the family.
    mommy9

    Answer by mommy9 at 6:28 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • my aunt takes in childern alot that are older, i have spend holidays, birthdays an etc with them and when she watches my kids i have notice that 5 of the childern have different life styles like 1 is from africa, mexico russia witch she does a study of there culture and there food witch the child picks a week to show an tell where they came from, what they eat, what kind of cities they have there religion cause some places like africa the person can be 10 there but in the state they could be 12 witch each child in africa doesn't know when they are born so the usa helps them pick a month an a date witch alot of them pick the first week of the month or the last of the month..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • family in the vanOh, and don't let the "educated" people who can't keep thier opinions to themselves tell you that you are going to mess all your kids up by going outside of  the "natural" birth order. I just tell the "experts" that my kids have not read thier books and studies, so they don't know the difference anyway.

    3gifts.from.god

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 2:03 PM on Dec. 3, 2008