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Mom of a Teen Mom...Help?!

My 17 yr. old just had her baby. My husband and I sat down with her and her boyfriend and spoke with them about their future plans. Under the ondition that he holds down a full-time job, they both help out around the house and also contribute to the family grocery bill (I have 3 other kids too), I'm not sure how else to keep them focused on the future and the road ahead. I want them to keep goals in mind and work towards them but I don't want to enable them and end up never leaving my house!! Any ideas?

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Asked by leslieandkids at 11:07 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • call Teen mom on mtv. Right now there are alot of ppl going thru the same thing you are. Show them some tough love make them get a place of their own and stand on their own two feet or they will never learn

    Answer by chica679 at 11:11 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think your doing all that you can do, hopefully it will work out, I would ask them to save as much money as they can for their own place,,,perhaps have them give you X amount of dollars towards food and bills and X amount to be put in a "our future house" account,, good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:13 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Yeah, sounds like a plan from the beginning. See how sincere they are about this change. Anyone can talk a good game.. its SHOWING the responsiblity that matters. DON'T BABY THEM. DON'T wash their clothing, pick up after them, or be there built in babysitter, serogant mother to the grand child. This is THEIR responsiblity to "parent up".

    If they can't go by the rules, then BF can move back to his mom's, and DD will go back to being treated as a teen with guidelines.

    Answer by kkbird at 11:15 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • There are some great groups on CM for the mothers of teen moms. I'll bet some of those ladies would have some great ideas for you based on true personal experience! Good luck!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:15 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I wouldn't be too hard on them. Right now they need help. You know how hard it is with a newborn. You don't want to make them want to leave. I agree they need jobs and to help out, but I wouldn't be too tough.

    Answer by mompam at 11:15 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think it's great that they both are raising the baby together and have a safe place to live. I would just let them know what your expectations are as far as jobs and schooling and be there to support them and help them when you can. It can be a difficult time for them however with your love support and guidance it can work out. Good luck!!!

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 11:23 AM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I agree I think setting the expectation upfront is a great idea. If they can't follow the rules then you need follow through on the next step.
    I'd ask them to start putting money away as well for their future and to find some place to eventually you said you don't want them to live forever but at the same time they will need your help right now.
    I don't think what you've requested is really too much to ask, they need to be responsible for their decision to raise their child. A little support never hurt anyone but enabling is definitely not the way go.
    I also wanted to say that this a great thing you're doing as a mother, I wish my mother had been so understanding as to help get me on my feet when I was pregnant at 17 all I wanted/needed was a place to live with my child and she couldn't even give me that.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:38 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Written contract. They both MUST get their high school diplomas or GED AND then one of them should be enrolled in the local community college at all times or working at all times. Require them to pay a nominal fee for "rent", contribute AND COOK (and clean) one meal a week for everyone, stop paying for any cell phones - that should be a LUXURY they pay for.

    You don't do their laundry, don't clean their room, don't clean the bathroom they use - they should OR if you do - you should charge a "Maid" fee.

    Treat them as adults. Give them house rules, but not many restrictions as long as they are respecting the house rules.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 1:58 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • wow, thanks for all of your input! I'd like to add alittle daughter has already graduated early from high shool with a regents with honors diploma. Her bf graduated from hs 2 years ago. She is already enrolled in nursing school for the fall. They have their own bathroom and keep it cleaned. I guess the little things bug me (eating in their room, staying up all hours and sleeping all day, etc). When I hear them making plans to go "out", go to dinner, getting piercings/tattoo, I wonder how they will ever get a place of their own or think they are perfectly fine staying with me.

    I was none too pleased that this happened to her but she was on birth control and was that 1% who got pregnant anyway. I can't hold that against her when she was being responsible, not her fault and I really couldn't imagine her out alone or living off other people. I support her decision, just need to remember tough love is still needed!

    Comment by leslieandkids (original poster) at 2:42 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Overall it sounds like they have some direction and you are doing a great job. The sleeping all day part might bother me, but if she's going to school in the fall, and he's working and they take care of the baby and help around the house I'd probably figure it wasn't a battle I'd pick.

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 3:05 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

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