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Teenager advice (sorry, I accidentally closed the question a bit ago! Oops!)

Okay, this is about my sister, who is 9 yrs younger than me. My Mom is trying to deal with a huge life change, and on top of that...her 17 yr old daughter. Okay, so in a nutshell..my mother had to move to a different state (only about 2.5 hrs away)..due to a homeless situation, and my sister stayed back w/a friend to finish this last 8 or so weeks of her Junior year in highschool. She has a boyfriend, who she has dated for about 2 or so years. My mom is planning on her moving in with her, once this school year is over-with. My sister absolutely refuses to move down here, and wants to move in with her boyfriend this summer, and then finish her senior year there. She turns 18 in October ...and says if Mom makes her move here, she will just turn around and move back once she turns 18. My Mom has been through a LOT lately, and just doesnt know what to do. She doesnt want to 'give up' on her...but at the same times thinks that she doesnt have control..especially once she turns 18, and is going to do what she wants to anyways. She is not a bad kid, she just thinks that she knows everything (typical teenager)..and is furious over the fact that she may have to leave her friends, and her boyfriend this summer. She does not have a job, car, or even a license.. Any advise? Has any mother been in this situation, and what did you do? Note, that my Mother did EVERYTHING she could possibly do to stay up there, and keep my sister in that school ...but it resulted in an almost homeless situation, where she had no choice but to move here, and live with family until she can get back on her feet again.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (3)
  • I've not yet been in a situation like this, my boys are only 16 & 13. However if somehow I was put in this position, I think I'd share my concerns with her staying with her boyfriend and I'd share why I felt that way. If after that she still wanted to live with her boyfriend and make that choice I think I'd let her but I'd also explain to her that life will be hard now that she's on her own. I'm not sure what the laws are regarding a 17 yr old and how much support you have to provide, but I would make it clear that making a choice to no longer live with me will result in her to take care of herself, which means any money ceases and her life is now in her control. That I'd be there to support her emotionally when needed because I love her, but once you leave the "nest" you're responsible for yourself.
    The other option I might consider is whether it was possible to continue to stay with her friend.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:43 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Can she stay with you? I'm not sure if you live in the same town. Anyway, that's really tough. No teenager wants to move away from friends and a boyfriend, that's the worst thing ever in their eyes. It's sad that your sister can't see that this isn't something your mom wanted but was a last resort. I don't think it's good for a 17 year old to be living with her boyfriend, and what if they break up, then where will she go? These are things an adult has to think about. Where will she get money, food, clothes, etc? Does she work? Again, typical questions that a teenager might roll their eyes at but all things you have to decide if you are on your own. She is also at risk for a lot of trouble- obviously teen pregnancy, drug use, abusive relationships. Not because she is a bad girl but when you don't have resources and parental oversight you can get into bad situations that are hard to get out of. No easy answer for sure- GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:02 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • sorry your going through this
    mommyof3-2008

    Answer by mommyof3-2008 at 10:12 AM on May. 25, 2011

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