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5 Bumps

Are you a Mom which can accept the Crumbs or Not from your Teen or Adult Child?

combingLast night I had a Son and Mom Date Night.    My 20 year old son and I have been butting heads for many reasons lately (check out my journal for full details @ csjoy1).  Anyway, I suggested us going to dinner, of which he was excited about and called it "Mom and Son Date Night" since it had been a while since we had been out together.   Anyway, @ dinner my son is texted that his friend - girl (not girl friend) is coming with a gift for him since she gets off work and is close by.  

Much to my surprise, I decided to enjoy the rest of our dinner and conversation, which was so delightful and not ruin the night by displaying a mom hissy-fit over someone crashing in on my parade!  So I opted for the Crumbs, which were quite tasty and allowed for our mom and son date night to end early.  I also opted out of going to the movies not cause I was disappointed, but simply cause nothing I wanted to see was playing and smiled as I drove myself home - OMG!!! 

Now Cafe Mom's of Late teens or Adult children (son's or daughter's), would you or have you been in a similar situation and did you, or would you accept the Crumbs of the night of the two-some or would you be upset and let them know about the dissappointment of the original agreement?


drivingcsjoy1       BUMP UP PLEASE???


Asked by csjoy1 at 1:01 PM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 10 (450 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • The trick is when you have adult kids, is to be someone that they want to hang with. Understand that they want to live their own lives, have their own relationships and go their own way, especially in their late teens and twenties. Honestly I just can't imagine a 20 yr old wanting to hang with mom at all. When he is 30 he will come back around. When he is 40 you will be one of his closest friends. When he is 50, he will be your advocate and when he is 60 he will be mourning you deeply. These are the stages of life. He sounds completely normal to me.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:51 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • my ds is only 6..but i think it was rude of the girl to crash your son/mom date, and i would've tactfully requested he tell her to wait until our time was over, or come by, and be on her way.
    you gotta teach them to respect you. its not like you get the chance very often (as you said) to have that special time with him once they are older and going about their business.
    i wouldn't have thrown a 'hissy', but i would've definitely told him how i felt.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:01 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • my son's and i do spend a great time together but there are times i take one out just and us time
    many times their girlfriends have called but they say i will call you back i am with my mom at the moment
    i don't get crumbs with my kids ,they are there with me to the end

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 3:46 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • simple smile


    Answer by purplerobin at 4:51 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • My kiddo are little.....much head butting but I have no problem getting mama time....yet......I wish you luck.....also now that it is after the fact maybe just let him know how you REALLY feel .....he is way beyond the age of truth......I feel it will only help. GL Mama!

    Answer by MamaRudolph at 1:13 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • A little crumbs is always better than no crumbs at all.

    Answer by older at 2:38 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Again - not crumbs. But being the mother of adult children. We should not be 1st in their lives as their lives change to revolve around their friends and their social schedules and not ours.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:05 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Cafemom dullscissors:  You have given me something (and others) to consider..."it was tactful of the girl to place herself and my son" when he had originally told her we were having a "mom & son" date, but girls like I've posted previously can be very jealous of the guys mom.  In fact my mom lost a son, because his wife and her family became #1 in his life.   But to ruin the evening over some bimbo, whether to speak to my son about it, ....not on our "date night".   Mama's just don't rate that high when son has a sweet honey making him feel like he's the "Bomb", LOL.   However, I will conclude to bring it up with him on our future night advance...."mom and son date night is just that, with no exceptions n no drop-ins!"  Otherwise, it will be me having a major HUSSY PISSY TIFF!!!  - LOL...Thanks, csjoy

    Comment by csjoy1 (original poster) at 7:24 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I agree with dullscissors. You may not be first in your son's life (and neither should you be) but if this was a wife instead of a girlfriend she should still respect you having some time with your son. It would be different if you were an overbearing mother, or YOU were always wanting to intrude on HIS time with a girlfriend or wife. You mentioned you didn't want to ruin the evening-being sweet but firm in your point of view should not ruin the evening-if it does, your son needs to learn to be more attentive to others than just himself.

    Answer by purplerobin at 2:24 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I meant attentive to the needs of feelings and others other than just himself.

    Answer by purplerobin at 2:25 PM on Apr. 13, 2011