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4 Bumps

My postpartum doula friend is in my opinion not a good mom...

I posted a question a few days ago about my new "friend" and how she is basically neglecting her son, I don't know how to put my link of my other question but look it up on my profile. She is a doula and is suppose to help new mothers but to b honest I'm scared for the woman she will help. She introduced me to a friend of hers yesterday with a newborn and she will be helping her with the baby. I don't feel like my friend will neglect her child I just feel like she shouldn't be having any say so in helping other by the way she parents he child, ITS BAD!! Ive decided to stay friends with her but keep my distance, because I want to be there for her son. I'm sad for him and I'm trying to slowly to help her realize what she's doing to him and how to be better. Honestly it drives me up the wall how bad it is and it's really hard for me to he around her most if the time. Any suggestions on I can jump start her into realizing it too? I give yer advice here and there about stuff when she asks but she seems to be very lazy about trying to do it. She praises my parenting and I know she sees the huge difference between her ds and my dd. I only do mommy and me dates because I'm trying to get her to interact with him but it seems to fail alot because she finds a way to strap him into something. :( poor kid...please look up my post about her to give you more if an idea, thx.

 
ProudMammaMia

Asked by ProudMammaMia at 1:33 PM on Apr. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,619 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • At 2 years old some moms may be concerned with letting their child run all over the place, especially in a public place. The feeding habits she uses are unsanitary and it's sad that she chooses to put her baby in front of the TV or have him strapped in everywhere they go, but that doesn't mean she's a bad mom. She's probably overprotective and that's why she straps him in, and maybe she's lazy and keeps him in his pen, but that doesn't mean she's neglectful. She's not abusing him, so unless she was open to comments on parenting advice from you, I'd just let it be unless she does something that seriously endangers the child. If she does something truly bad then I'd speak up to her about it. Otherwise, I'd say just try to deal with it. The worst part is the unsanitary feeding, ick. I would try to make some kind of light comment about it. Perhaps say, "Oh no something is floating in Junior's cup!" Try to play it off, kwim?
    lore_tex

    Answer by lore_tex at 6:28 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • You are judging this poor mother. You should stop and think that she is depressed, has an underlying medical condition and needs help not bashing. She may not be making the best parenting choices but she is not neglecting her child. You said she is a new friend, therefore you do not know what her home life is like, what is going on in her life in general. Just because she is a Duola, doesn't mean she is God and has to be perfect. Try and be supportive, talk with her, offer to help her, offer to be a confidant, offer to help her find a place that she can go to for help.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:33 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I really think you should stay out of it. It's your opinion, and she doesn't have to see it your way. She's not taking care of you, so don't worry about things you can't control.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:37 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Idk... there's a fine line between being a concerned neighbor, and a condescending know-it-all. No offense, but have you ever considered that maybe she has something wrong with her? That maybe she is suffering from undiagnosed, untreated depression or some undiagnosed medical condition? I've been there as a parent, and I can say that it is nearly impossible some days to function, let alone take care of a child. Maybe, just maybe someone needs to address what's really going on, instead of judging. However, that's JMHO...
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 1:45 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Mind your own business, and btw does she know you really are not her friend?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I'm not a mind reader, you didn't post all that. If you think the child is in danger, then report her to CPS. You can't save the world, and everyone in it. There are tons of bad mom's out there, so let CPS decide, it's their business.

    And I'm not wrong about minding our own. If we spent as much time minding our own kids, and not worrying about the billions of horrible mom's out there things could be a little differnt. I'm all for the welfare and safety of a child, but it's not my place to tell others how I think they should parent.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:46 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Dude, I did read the post! What I'm trying to say (in plain English, or so I thought) has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her! So... a woman with depression is stupid?! Is that what you're saying? I don't get what you're response even means! If you were truly trying to be her friend, you would try to help her get to the bottom of her issues, instead of judging her (which is exactly what you are doing, no matter how much you say you are not). Most women with depression have no clue that's what's happening to them. And even if the realize what's wrong, they rarely seek help, mainly due to having no support system around them. Also, undiagnosed medical issues can cause fatigue, which can make a person feel "lazy". Just because she's a doula, doesn't mean she's a medical expert... especially things that are going on with her own body.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 1:57 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • My postpartum doula friend is in my opinion not a good mom... is the title of this question. What could be more judgemental If you aren't sure, go look it up in the dictionary. You asked for advice. Did just want a string of people agreeing with you, or honest advice?
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 2:04 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Um... duh, talk to her and try to help her discover what her issues really are! Hello! God, I swear some people...

    Ask her why she does the things you think are wrong, ask her if she thinks she's depressed, or just give her information on depression. Anything to be supportive. Has she had a physical lately? Does she feel tired all the time, is that why she doesn't interact with him? Does she not feel connected to him (that's a huge red flag for things like depression or other mood disorders). Instead of telling her how to parent, find out why she does what she does. Any good and true friend will know how to approach it. My feeling is that you just don't know her well enough to approach anything yet.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 2:11 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Uhh, no one here said that was okay.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:52 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

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