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What is the best thing?

Okay, this might be kind of long, but I would like other people's opinions on this. Currently, my 4 year old lives with me. I have full physical custody and joint legal with his father. His father pays a whole $5 a month in child support, and sees him every other weekend, given he has a ride...

His father has severe manic-depression and is suicidal. He has two court orders in effect for his medication and counseling and he's not doing either that I know of. About a year and a half ago, he got re-married to his new wife, who, IMO, is a COMPLETE bitch. She tried to get my son to call her mom on the first weekend she met him! AND HIS DAD SAID NOTHING!!! Anyways, that's not the point...lol

So, I've SERIOUSLY been considering getting a motion to suspend parenting time and get more child support (I don't have any income right now besides student loans, so it would REALLY help). Me and my fiance have been talking for a while and we think that this is best, because when he goes to his father's house, all he ends up doing is sitting on the computer playing games and watching his shows (my son, not the father), and, from what I've heard, his father sleeps all day because he's up with his new child at night (he NEVER did that with our son when we were together).

We believe it would be in my son's best interest to stay with us, because he HATES going to his father's house. He cries and screams the whole time we drop him off, and he says he's always in trouble there.

While I have my son (dad only gets hi every other weekend), his dad never calls or anything to see how our son's doing or anything. He refuses to participate in counseling that I have for my son because of his behavior issues, and it seriously seems like he doesn't even care.

What do you think? Would it be best if I just took full custody? He absolutely LOVES my fiance and NEVER wants to leave us...I would just like some opinions to see that I'm doing what's best.

Answer Question
 
GothicChk52

Asked by GothicChk52 at 2:12 PM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 14 (1,398 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Sounds cruel and more about you than your child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Couple of things. Is the $5.00 per month child support court ordered? If so, he is more than likely unemployed. If he is employed, I can't see why he only pays $5. If he is ordered to pay more and is not, then he is in violation of a court order and you can take him back to court. Since there is a court order for father to take his medications for his mental health issues and as you say, he is not, and you know and can prove it, then I would move the court for a change in visitation and ask that he only have supervised visits. You should also let the court/mediator know that your son does not want to go.

    Hope this helps.
    devsenemy

    Answer by devsenemy at 2:22 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Would you want sole custody even if it meant no child support? It shouldn't have anything to do with the money, it should be about what's best for your son. It doesn't sound like it's best for him if he doesn't spend time with his father when he is there, but your son is also old enough to know that is his father and to notice if they suddenly have no relationship. Your fiance is not a replacement father. We only get one mom and dad in this life and the consequences of damaging those relationships lead to lifelong issues for children so it's not exactly advisable. I also can't help but think that we are only hearing your side of things, and I am sure it is mostly accurate but of course it's also at least slightly biased as it is your persepective. Maybe your son's dad would be willing to try some alternatives like spending an afternoon with your son where they actually do something together, etc. Try to find a happy medium. GL
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:23 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Yes, the $5 is court ordered. He's never worked a day in his life. I've tried to get him to do things with him and he always says he has other things to do. His new wife and son are his top priority. At least, that's how I see it.

    Trust me, I know about our parents. I never had my mother growing up. That's really why I'm torn about this, because I want his dad to be in his life, but it doesn't seem that it's doing anything good. I tried to write this as un-biased as possible, but I know that's almost impossible.
    GothicChk52

    Comment by GothicChk52 (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think your correct in ur plan to keep him away from that and u need as much support as pos. Ur son deserves financial help more than 5$ and u've got to protect him
    ilovemyliam

    Answer by ilovemyliam at 2:40 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I think based on his mental condition alone you should try to get full custody. I'm not sure I'd want a child of mine under the supervision of someone manically depressed.
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 3:12 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Even if you have sole full custody, you would still have to give him parenting time. No matter what the father is still the father and YOU would have to prove him unfit to parent before you could take his minimal parenting time. To go on what your son wants you will have to wait until he was older.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:25 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Thank you, guys. :) You guys have all helped me so much in doing this. I think it's best and as soon as I go back into town, I'll drop by the courthouse and get the necessary paperwork.
    GothicChk52

    Comment by GothicChk52 (original poster) at 8:57 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Sorry, based solely on what you posted here, no court is going to see things your way. Sorry, been there; done that
    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 5:11 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • i would get a attorney not cheap i know but if he is not doing what he is court ordered to do with the meds and the suicide attempts i would say u think that he is a endangerment to the child and want to at least cancel visitation till he does what he was court ordered to do
    amber8406

    Answer by amber8406 at 10:17 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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