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I am 26 and we are going to meet my father for the first time!!!!

Please help. I am 26 years old and I am going down to meet my father for the very first time ever in person. He has asked us to stay with him but my mom said don't be suprised if he asks you to leave after a couple of days because hes picky.... What should I say to him??? What should I expect??? I am extremely nervous about all of this. We have a wonderful relationship through facebook, talking via phone and text message. He is a very blunt man when it comes to his words and he already doesn't like my husband because he was laid off his job and he wants him to take care of me. I'm afraid they will clash and ultimately ruin my relationship with him (my father). Anyone have any suggestions???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • maybe get a hotel this visit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I agree with ANON. I would get a hotel, you don't really know this man and all of you are going to need a break especially if he already doesn't like your husband simply because he got laid off from his job.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:04 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • When was the last time your Mom actually lived with him or saw him? 20 something years ago? DONT let your Mom put preconceived notions into your head about your Dad. Go with an open mind and see how it goes. Being nervous is understandable, but do at least try and meet him. Maybe your hubby can talk with him and explain he's doing everything he can to care for you and how much hubby loves you. Sometimes Daddy's just need to meet the new man in your life and get to know them. Give Dad a chance, and if he still dosnt like him thats NO reason to cut your Dad off. But if Dad hates him after they meet, then you just dont bring the hubby around or mention him to Dad.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 6:06 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • my dh met his bio dad for the first time since seeing him in 20yrs...that was Jan of last year. he mainly went to see his SIL's and family, his bio dad just happened to be part of that meet up. he wasn't really talkative of how he felt, but i could tell he was nervous, jealous (of his bio dad staying close with his sisters and not even contacting him, they have the same dad but different mom btw), a hint of anger...it was just a rollercoaster of emotions. I was nervous and angry FOR him, and going up there with him my nerves were shot.

    when we got up there, however, we met the SIL's first and their husbands, and then his bio dad came to the house (had a cookout) and my dh was acting like nothing was wrong...it blew me away. had me more confused than ever lol. later, however, i asked him what happened and he said he had a talk with his SIL's dh, and he told him the way he sees it, is that more family = more love.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 6:06 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • funny, he was 26 when he went to see him. i agree with the pp's though. if he's as blunt as you say and already doesn't like your hubby, maybe a hotel would be a good idea...just in case. we stayed at dh's SIL's house cuz he had no problem being with them, it wasn't them he had a problem with. if it was just his bio dad though, he'd have wanted to get a hotel if even go at all.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 6:08 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I wouldn't stay with him and I would keep my expectations low. How great can he be if you are just now meeting him? I met my sperm donor after 34 years and was very excited. It was a huge let down and he has made my life hell. I had to cut him out of my life and I understand fully why my mom kept him away. If he is rude to your husband stand up for him and leave if he treats you like crap.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • It's kind of funny he doesn't like your husband cause he thinks "he's not taking care of you" when he's never even met his own daughter.....it seems that he's not different!
    Didn't want to be rude, but it kind of sound hypocritical.
    PS. Get a hotel!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • I would not stay with him for this visit. Have low expectations so eveything ends up to be a positive. I hope it goes well for you!!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:14 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Thank you for all the comments..... I have made a plan to stay with him for the first night or so and if it does not work out I have plans to stay with my sister which I have never met lol but we are already the bestest of friends.

    I forgot to mention in my first post that he had denied me for a very long time I have not seen him since I was about 2 or so. Last year he had cancer. He thought that was it for him. I truly feel in my heart he is trying his hardest to make a mends. He told me yesterday as we were talking on the phone that you can't live forever and have to cherish every moment you have left with the ones you love. He wants us to move down there to be by him as much as possible. He had said that a year to me in like a month to him. When we speak on the phone which we have for about a year now its as if I have always had him around. There is a lot of family coming down to meet me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:34 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • My other sister came from sweden and is staying for several weeks and my dads sister is coming into town. Everyone seems extremely excited about all of it. My sister that I have plans to stay with is also getting married that weekend. So this is going to be epic!!! However I do have low expectations for dad and in hopes is will turn out to be a beautiful fairy tale lol but thats only in time
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:37 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

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