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Have any of you ever been in this situation?

Ok so years ago I had this friend. He was my BEST FRIEND we did everything together we were never apart. For a while neither of us had a bf or gf either. so we ended up becoming friends with benefits and I always really like him more than a friend. However I never let all 3 emotions (friends, friends with benefits, and me having a crush on him) EVER cross paths. Don't ask me how I managed to do that but I didn't. When he had a GF or I had a BF we would not sleep together and we would not get jealous at all, after a while we were never single at the same time so we were just best friends. (mostly it was him that was not single) Then once I met someone (my now husband) then he decided he wanted what he couldn't have. He moved away (to my hometown) and begged me to go with him. He begged me to marry him but I just couldn't end things and drop everything and move and was torn about it because finally he was interested but I was taken. What a predicament. I decided to stay, he got someone pregnant and married her after only a few weeks of knowing her. we still talk off and on as best friends but I have not seen him since he moved (about 5-6 years ago) My husband knows we're friends and that we talk too. but every now and then we get into these what if conversations about us. and how we regret not doing this or that and wishing that we were with each other. We both have issues in our marriages but we still have made the decisions to stay married and not break up our families (we both have 1 child with our SO) we also have decided that if someday things don't work out with our current situations we WILL be together. We both have our own stupid reasons for not getting divorces, but always talk about our fantasy lives with each other that may or may not happen in the future. We NEVER have or would ever act on anything unless being divorced. We are not cheaters, (of course I have not actually seen him in so long anyways) Every time we have these conversations I can't stop thinking about it for DAYS! eventually I forget about it and life goes on as normal but I still question myself all the time.
have you ever been in this situation? what would you do.

 

Oh and just to add.. I have alwasy felt like I never 'Married my best friend' because I felt like I couldn't have my best friend until he wanted what he couldn't have. Then he got married because he felt he had to, then I married because I was content. it just wasn't fair the way it all worked out. My husband told me yesterday that he loves the life he has with me, but I honestly cannot say the same thing. I am content but I don't love the life I have with him, I love him but not the life I have with him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Apr. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • uhhh,nope :)
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:49 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Can't say that I have. And it doesn't sound too healthy either. Would you tell you dh of your conversations you two have been having, or would he tell his wife? My view on things, if I can't tell my dh what I've done, said, or where I've been, I probably shouldn't have been there, done that, or said whatever...
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 7:51 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • So . . . yes . . . not now in my current marriage, but in the past. It went on with a childhood friend for a decade. Finally, I decided to just go for it. He slept with me and then told me that he decided it could never be serious with us. What??? This was a person who I spoke with EVERY DAY for a DECADE!

    It was not at all about having me. It was about the fantasy and the chase. I was no longer a fun hunting game target when I was available to him.

    Be careful, my dear . . . the endearment of you for him may be real, but it also may be a fantasy.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:54 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • First thing. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Second, stop talking to him. Might make life better.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:04 PM on Apr. 12, 2011

  • Your are playing with fire. Be committed to your husband and get rid of this man. It's only going to cause you major heartbreak if you continue to speculate!
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 12:13 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Mine came back after 18 years to see if we had any connection. Yeah only connection he wanted was sexual. Had no plans of leaving his wife, just wanted me to join him for fun. Glad he was out of my life even though for 18 years I did think about him. He is such a major loser and would have made my life miserable. When things end, there is a good reason!!
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 12:15 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Many fantasize of having what they don't have and thinking about "what if". It is not reality, it's a fantasy. Things seldom if ever, are how we think they would be. It's not a good idea to play this fantasy game with him. I'd cease all contact and focus on my marriage. That is reality! Best wishes!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 12:17 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

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