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So my mother in law is going to live with us ...

She cannot afford to live by herself anymore .... I usually get along with her ( I do love her afterall) but now she is just being so grouchy and hard to get along with !

We are searching to buy a house that will fit all of us ( me, my husband, our 2 kids and her) .... We have found a ton of great ones... but she finds something wrong with all of them and I am starting to think she is doing it on purpose...

She didnt like the first few because we wouldnt have our own spaces.... we found 1 that had a "mother in law suit" ... she didnt like that because we would always be apart. She will say one has too much sunlight - then they dont have enough sunlight.... to old looking, too new looking....... then we finally found it !!! It couldnt be more perfect a 4 bedroom 2 bath home that it just seems so perfect - the most perfect part being it has a walkout basment apartment that is also really updated and almost brand new .... What else could we want ... well now she is saying we will leave her in the "damp dark basement" .... it isnt like a basment at all - it is a newer house and everything in it is brand new.... the "basement" is nicer than alot of houses we have seen...

I am about to tell her how it is.... grrrr

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Apr. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Ya need to, sister. Let her have it. As nicely as possible. :D

    If her financial situation has landed her where she is now, she needs to be thankful. Tell her you love her and she is welcome in your home but you and your husband will ultimately decide what is the best home for you and your children. If she can't respect that then she needs to work out other living arrangements.

    Answer by CaseyErin at 12:25 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • She probably hates the fact that she can't make it on her own anymore, and who could blame her? Then she moves into your home, and because that is a change, she probably hating the fact that she's having to make these changes in her life. My mother is the same way. Older people just don't like change. You're doing the right thing, just don't think of it as being a bad thing. Give her time to adjust. She's probably gotten used to your current house and knowing that all of you are going to have to move again, that's just topping everything else off. She's finding excuses because deep down she likes the idea of you all being together and she really doesn't want to be alone.

    Just remind her that you are also doing this for her. She is always going to be a part of your family no matter what and for her to remember that. Tell her you will be there for her when she needs you and to stop worrying, this is best for all of you.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:30 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • don't do it. she will make your lives a living hell. she is giving you warning signs in advance so take heed ! i am not saying she is all bad but you will lose your privacy and she might end up putting a wedge between you and hubby. her behavior now is giving you a glimpse of what is to come. you and your hubbs can find other living arrangements for her. there is no way in hell i would allow my MIL or even my own mother to move in..sorry.!!! that is just how it is. there can't be 2 queens in my castle. pretty good chance you will regret it. think long and hard about this.

    Answer by gwen20 at 12:36 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • She is angry at how her life is going and complaining about anything at this point. Talk to her about al the whining and let her know it will be okay if she just lets things go naturally. She probably resents having to live with someone after being in her own house. I worked with the elderly and they get real grouchy when life is not the same anymore. Be patient, God be with you all!

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 12:43 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Face it she will never be happy no matter what you do or don't do so take the house with that perfect basement

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 5:29 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • It's your house and your money. If she is going to be that picky then don't give her a choice at all. I think you are making a bad decision letting her live with you. If she is acting like this already I think she is going to be worse once she is moved in with you. I could never live with my mil. In fact I will leave my husband if that is the case.

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 9:01 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I wonder if she isn't having second thoughts about the new arrangement. Its one thing for a move to be "abstract," another for it to be made very real. Looking at houses is making this real for her. Is living with you her only option? My MIL lived with us for a few months. I got along with her ok, but she and DH (her son and only child) had many more problems. She's now old enough/disabled enough to be in a nursing home (she's had a series of strokes and needs more care than we can give her) and I think she's happier there than she was with us. She has her own friends, a peer group, and scheduled activities. We visit her frequently and I'm thankful she and DH can be on better terms now that he isn't as responsible for her.

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 11:52 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • why is she even offering her opinion. is she somehow contributing to the down payment or helping with the mortgage? i would go with the last house you saw that you guys loved with the basement apt. tell her too bad, she will get used to it. otherwise she can live by herself. but i get you credit for living with any inlaw. i had my mil live with me back in the day and we also lived with her and i hated each and every time. never again. well now that i'm divorced i know never again. good luck

    Answer by lucky35 at 1:50 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • yeah we are going with the last house - and we are sure we are getting it because we offered full price lol .

    She has always been very nice and i love being around her --- she lived with us before when my FIl died, and it was nice then... i liked having her around and that was in a tiny house !

    Now she has absolutly no money so she HAS to live with us... I really think she is acting out because she is upset that she HAS to live with her child or basically be homeless ...

    i think after a little while she will be ok.... after we know we have the house I am going to take her to pick out the paint she wants for "her space"

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:13 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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