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My mother-in-law is driving me NUTS

My husband's mom is really driving me crazy. She does nothing but hold our 4 month old and I realize that babies need to be held, but that's ALL she does when we're over there. And then we it's just me 'n' him later he's crabby because I have other things to do and I can't hold him 24/7. And I've expressed that to her and she apparently doesn't care. (I guess that's where I'm venting... Now to my question)

The other day we were over there and he started throwing a fit (apparently he's allergic to orajel) and after I had given him some orajel he got REALLY mad and wouldn't stop screaming. I'm usually very good at calming him down quickly but this one took a while. so she grabbed him out of my arms (which pissed me off, because I'm the only one who can calm him down when he gets that way) and she gave him a bottle with warm water in it (i guess to wash out the orajel). But it kind of made me mad... He's only 4 months old and I thought he wasn't allowed to have just water. Especially when the bottle of warm water I had sitting there was so I could but formula mix in it.... So my question is, is it okay to give a 4 month old water?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 AM on Apr. 13, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (10)
  • I don't know the answer to your question, but it sounds like the thing with your MIL is a big issue. You need to set things straight NOW or it will NEVER end. You have boundaries set for your child. You and DH need to explain them and set it straight. If she can't stick with those then I'd consider not going over there till she understands.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • as much as I'd LOVE to do that... he has NO backbone when it comes to his mom or sisters... They treat me like shit and blame us not going over there enough on me and he won't stand up for me... and his mom is just a bitch and won't listen to me... and i'm one of those people who doesn't have a good oral filter and it takes all of me to bite my tongue with her.. But my tongue's starting to hurt and might just go off one day lol
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:53 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Giving your kid water at 4 mo is ok, just not huge quantities. As for the MIL issue, I agree with anon. Set some boundaries. I know it can be scary but I had to do it with my MIL too. Just let her know that it's nothing personal but you strongly feel that as the Mama you need to have final say on what's ok and what isn't and that a few things have bothered you but you've felt uncomfortable bringing it up because you respect her (even if you don't, it helps to soften them up a bit before you get harsh). Then lay it out in no uncertain terms. You will feel better afterwards and if your MIL doesn't respect your wishes you can always let her know she won't be seeing much of you after that. Good luck!
    ShainaMay

    Answer by ShainaMay at 2:03 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Thanks! I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell my MIL and my 2 SILs how they make me feel and that they need to stop treating me the way they do... We live 3 hours away and when we go home to visit we stay with my parents because there is a lot more room for my family of 3 and our dog. and we make an effort to see them on Sunday before we drive back and if we're late showing up or don't stay long enough for their liking it's my fault and they tell my DH that he needs to stand up to me and tell me that we need to go over there and see them more. And this issue made me cry my eyes out all evening on Christmas and they ruined my frist Christmas with our son... and he just will not back me up or stand up to them because he has no balls when it comes to his family!!!! I thinking I'm going to make a phone call tomorrow and explain my feelings and if they don't change I guess we won't be seeing them anymore...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:08 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I kind of see where your ILs are coming from. Think about it. If you live 3 hours away, then chances are you don't see them often. That means they don't see their grandson/nephew. When I go home to visit my family (two hour away) and my brother brings his infant son, the minute they walk into my mom's house, that little boy is in my arms, and he doesn't leave them until I leave, or they do. I don't get to see him often, and I adore him. It's hard when you don't see family for a long time (I see my fam. about once a month, sometimes once every two months depending on hubby's work schedule and price of gas) not to feel like you should have the monopoly on someone, especially babies. And if you have to share time between houses when you visit, it's even harder (my parents are divorced) to balance your time between them. Set boundaries now, but be patient with MIL too, especially if you only see her once in a while.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 7:22 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • as far as the MIL thing you need to set her straight right now and tell her what she can and cannot do; it is your baby after all. My MIL was the same way and I finally got to the point where I had to flat out tell her this-- "it is our baby and we will do what we know is right and what works it is fine that you come and visit but mind your own business and don't try to take over parenting my child" as far as holding the baby all the time I would just tell her that you aren't able to do this when she isn't around so you would appreciate it if she would limit the time of holding the baby when she is visiting. As far as giving water it is fine in small quantities but not all the time. You and your husband need to sit down and discuss this issue about your MIL now before it gets too far out of hand. That is what my husband ended up doing with his mom; she may get upset but it is your child after all
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 7:37 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • No matter how far you live from your IL's they have no right to treat you like crap. That is just odd. It's understandable that she misses her grandson but she is causing a problem. That is not a visit, it's interference and controlling. Also, could they not visit you? You should not have to be the only one to travel. As for the water, a little is okay. If she has advice to give that is one thing. But she has no right to snatch your baby out of your arms. She sounds like a control freak and that is not all right. Unfortunately since your DH is not going to do what he needs to do, it's up to you. You'll end up resenting yourself and him if you don't say something. You don't have to scream or yell. You can calmly express your feelings and if he can't back you up, hopefully he will stay out of the way. I have dealt with this and I can tell you if you don't say something now it only gets harder.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:32 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • It is ok to give your 4 month old water. I just had my 3 month old son to the doctor. When I was there I explained that I thought his stool was to dry. The doctor told me to give him some water. It doesn't have to be alot.
    Les38

    Answer by Les38 at 1:09 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • It's ok to give water. My son is 4 and half months and my pedi told us we can give him some water when he has hiccups. Yeah sometime MIL can get carry away, and you just have to set your standards and remember everyone has their own way of treating a baby.
    It happens to me too, my MIL wants to hold my son to sleep all the time, and I don't want him to eat, sleep and eat, I want him to play and have some tummy time. She does not like tummy time at all, couple of times she grabbed my son away when he's struggling a little during tummy time. I don't hate her or anything and I know she just want the best for the baby, she help babysit so I didn't say much.
    Amy2079

    Answer by Amy2079 at 2:09 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I think it is a MIL job to drive us nuts! Mine does it and she lives 1200 mile away :o)
    08MrsAllen

    Answer by 08MrsAllen at 2:28 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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