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Step parent advice

How does the step parent thing work ? Like I want my son to feel comfortable talking about his dad around my SO and stuff. I want him to feel comfortable drawing pics for his dad, drawing pics of his dad or w.e Stuff like that. I NEVER talk bad about his dad infront of him. EVER ! That's a huge NO NO and my SO doesn't either and if he did/or ever does he won't be my SO anymore. I wasn't raised with a step parent. I don't know how to do this. I'm so confused & lost. I really need some advice! lol

Is having pictures of my son's dad & my son together ONLY in my son's room when we start to live together ok? Is that disrespect to my SO?? Is it disrespectful to my SO to help my son make his dad bday cards and stuff ?? Is it ok to have pics of SO and my together and not have pics of his dad & him together ? IDK !!!!

Any helpful advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks!!

 
loudnproud87

Asked by loudnproud87 at 7:24 AM on Apr. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,730 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • If your SO can't handle your son having a relationship with his dad, get out now....not that that is your situation but just sayin. My son has pictures of him and his dad all over his bedroom, we buy him birthday gifts, Christmas Gifts, Easter baskets......just like he's part of the family, we also buy for my ex's step kids now because my son looks at them as his brothers and sister.... You keep what works for you and throw out all the rest...there are boundaries that my hubby and I have concerning my son...but they have never been an issue, and they were figured out long before my hubby and I got together by my sons dad and me.....open communication is key. Good Luck hun.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:41 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Truthfully, there are no rules to raising your kids with step parents. What works for your family is ok.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:32 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I think its whatever works for your family. I would talk to your s/o and make sure he understands what expect. I think there is nothing wrong with having a pic of them together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • My hubby never talks bad about his ex gf in front of son. Although we know that is different when he is home.
    We try to make the most of the time together when we have his son. Whatever happens, happens.
    When it is Mothers Day or Fathers Day (cause sons Mom is married), we encourage my step son to draw pictures, make cards.... She does not do the same.
    Do what works for you in your home, regardless of what the ex does. This will build a stronger relationship with your son and he'll see what healthy relationships are meant to be.
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 7:41 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • My dh is a step dad to my older kids and he always understood his place. He is not their dad, but step dad. The older 3's dad never came around, called etc either and like you we never bad mouthed him we didnt figure we had to when they got older they figured out what kind of man he was on their own.
    My kids have photos of their father. My kids send cards and gifts. My kids have photos of me and their dad together with them from the past as well. My kids have all the freedom to express themselves emotionally and my dh understands because he knows that is their father and he can never replace him. I dont find it disrespectful in the least and neither does my dh. In fact we would find it more disrespectful not to honor their past & have them honor their father, regardless of what a shithead he is.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:49 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • i think you have to talk to your so sometimes it nice to do both like make a fathers day card for dad and step dad i dont think its wrong for you sons to have photo up of him and his dad put maybe put a photo up in another room of his with you and step dad . you partner will not be your sons dad put he will be playing a big part .
    i think as long as your so happy there no need to change anything but i would ask so to do a few 1 on 1 times with your son to form there own bond
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 7:51 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Let the child lead on this. Your SO will become more and more important to the child and will start to be part of his lfe. Then the child will start to want to draw pictures, have pictures of him, etc. Let it run a natural progression.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:01 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Elizabr - My SO and my son have a great relationship already. He already includes my SO in everything. I just don't want it to be like I'm replacing his dad or w.e Before my SO he always included his dad. ya know ? Just want to balance the two out in my house hold.
    Yeah I asked my SO today if having pics of him & his dad would be ok. He said "In his room is fine, but I don't want a bunch." Ok well its not about YOU. Its about my son, his future want to be step son. Right ? I think once I discuss it with him he will ok with it. I think he doesn't truly understand what's going on like the whole "replacing" situation and how it will affect everyone. . He doesn't know how to balance it out like me. ya know ? We've never been in this situation before. I know for sure if he doesn't accept the pic idea than he will no longer be my SO. My son, my son's happiness, my son comfort, my son everything comes first!!
    loudnproud87

    Comment by loudnproud87 (original poster) at 8:21 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Yeah I know I get bad mouthed at his dads house for sure. Some of the things he comes home saying, confirms that. I'm not going to lower myself to that. Never have & never will. I want my son to be able to feel comfortable when he's with me and my SO. I want him to feel like he can paint a pic of him & his dad and put if in the frig. ya know ? I have sole custody, his dad only has visitation at he moment (he's trying to fight for more right now). I want to do everything in my power to prove to my son that I am a good mom & I love him very much bc that's not what his dad is telling him. I have to do what I can to prove to him that I'm not who his dads says I am. That way when I get bad mouthed, he can be like well that doesn't add up with her actions. ya know ?? IDK its been two years since the split up but this is the 1st serious relationship that has a future. I will just go with what my heart says to do. My son is 1st.
    loudnproud87

    Comment by loudnproud87 (original poster) at 8:26 AM on Apr. 13, 2011

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