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4 Bumps

This is part vent/part question...

WHY do some moms constantly have to compare their kids to someone else's? I just went to lunch with a friend and her son, who is 3 weeks older than mine. I am not exaggerating when I say that she had to "one up" literally EVERY single thing I said. I hardly talked the entire meal. I had to shove my salad in my mouth to keep from telling her off. She had to constantly compare her son to mine, and she showed me at LEAST 100 times (no exaggeration) the words he can say, then would say, "Oh, he (my son) can't say that yet? Wow. ____ has been saying that forever." I know that my son is perfectly on track and intelligent, but she has always been this way. I don't compare my son to anyone. I have no reason or desire to. I just don't get what she's trying to prove. I am so irritated right now. I just called my husband and said, "I am never doing that again", and he just started laughing bc he doesn't like her for that reason and never has. A mutual friend was our server at the restaurant and she even commented to me afterward that she could overhear and couldn't believe it. I like her as a person, but she constantly has to try to be better than everyone. I even mentioned that my son loved blueberries and her response was, "Oh, we're planting a blueberry bush so that he can pick his own blueberries". When I mentioned that my son loved our Christmas tree this past Christmas, she decided to plant her son a Christmas tree in the backyard. I mean, it's almost laughable. Arg.

I guess my question is, why do some moms feel the need to make everything a competition?

Answer Question
 
LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 2:01 PM on Apr. 13, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • I don't have an answer for you because I don't understand it either, but I do have a question...

    Why do you "like her as a person"? She sounds awful from what you have described.
    Eek_a_Geek

    Answer by Eek_a_Geek at 2:04 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I don't know. I find that with some people I can't say anything positive about my daughter without them either equaling their child to mine or one-upping their child to mine. Pathetic.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:04 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Low self esteem?
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 2:05 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Smile and say how comforted you must be to have your child to live your life through.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:06 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • This inadequacy comes from within themselves, not even their own child. I feel sorry for the kid who has a parent that already uses him/her to determine their own self - worth. It looks like it is time to find a new mom friend to hang out with. Good luck to you!
    PatricksMama07

    Answer by PatricksMama07 at 2:06 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • This one is hard to say, but I think that some moms do this b/c they are over-comping for some other insecurity. Its best to smile and nod. And next time she calls to ask you out again, tell her you are on the other line with the Queen/President! LOL
    willngingersmom

    Answer by willngingersmom at 2:07 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I know someone like that.. drives me nuts.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:09 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Lacking confidence. She doesnt feel accepted by others or that she is not as fullfilling by simply being herself.

    I would respond back to her in that event of planting the MULBERRY FIELD... that wow, that sounds like alot of extra work. (that YOU'D rather spend that one on one time doing something fun with your son) but that you'd love to see them when she gets them planted.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 2:09 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Why do you "like her as a person"? She sounds awful from what you have described. "


    Honestly, I'm starting not to. The thing is, before we had our babies, while she was always a one-upper, she was kinda fun. But now it's gotten out of control. When she found out I was pregnant, she cried. We used to work together and she even admitted that she was upset that I was pregnant bc she wanted to be the only one. That should have been my sign to end the friendship there.

    Honestly, I think she's jealous that I'm a sahm. She chooses to work, but she sees her son maybe a few hours a day, and while I NEVER brag or compare myself to her, she knows I'm constantly doing things with my son and we're obviously extremely close. That's the only thing I can think of that would cause her to act like that. I don't think that's a justifiable reason, though.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 2:10 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I could have easily thrown stuff in her face, but I fought with myself internally and managed to just smile ans keep quiet. I KNEW that if I opened my mouth, it wouldn't be nice, and I wanted to be the bigger person.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 2:10 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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