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Her long time bf is using her. He is still married. How do I approach the situation?

One of my very good friends will not talk to me. Do I let it go and wait for her to come to me? To I reach out to her?


Her SO has lived with her for almost 7 years. She pays all bills in the house including house payment. Something has always seemed a little off with the relationship. I was never able to pinpoint what. She called me and let it all out last week. I told her what I thought after she asked my opinion. Now she will not speak to me.

He is STILL MARRIED. He claims he was not divorcing his wife until after his dd graduated college. She graduated 4 years ago!!! He claims he has started the divorce process. She does not know whether to believe him.

He has lived on her dime all this time. While living on her dime he was paying ALL of his wife's bills. His wife does not work!!!

I feel miserable for my friend. She did put herself in this situation. I understand she did. I do not know whether to reach out to her or not. Do I just wait for her to come to me? You know she will eventually need a strong shoulder to cry on. She DID ask for my opinion. I was honest with her. I gave her the outsider looking in stand point. She became angry and has not contacted me since.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Apr. 13, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • stay out of it and let her come to you, but then again if you give your advice/opinion is she going to not speak to you again. i wouldn't even bother with her, she has to be a complete idiot to allow this man to use her like that. living off her while he pays his wife's bills, how could she still want to be with him. he is married. his wife is probably enjoying it, because i would.

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:18 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Sometimes people don't want to know the truth. You did nothing wrong. If it were me, I would just step back and wait until she realizes you are right. Even though it hurts, chances are in this mind frame she would not be a healthy friend for you to have. Keep living your life and doing the things you enjoy. We are powerless over anyone but ourselves. She wanted you to tell her she is right and yada yada, you were a true friend ( honest) and some day she will appreciate it. Hugs !! :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 2:12 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Yeah this is the slippery slope either way this is not going to turn out well for you or her. If you push it you could push her away you should be there but let her come to you.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:16 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • 7 yrs is a long time to be footing the bill for a home for yourself and live in BF.

    I would let her come to you when she is ready. she has alot going on right now and needs to either DEAL WITH THIS MOOCHER, or move on. She knows you will always be there for her. * give her that space*

    maybe reache out to her by email stating that u love her unconditionally and will always be there when she needs you!!!! short simply and done.

    Answer by kkbird at 2:16 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Let her come to you.You've done what you can at this point.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:23 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • You can't save people from themselves sometimes. She is either not ready or willing to face the truth or know you are right and needs time alone to think it out I would open up the channels with a positive line with a text or an e-mail: I am sorry if I offended you and would not have been so honest or truthful if I did not consider you the dearest of friend. i love you and care for you and always want you to live your life to the fullest. I just want you to know I am still here and I promise that if you need someone to just shut up and listen without advice the next time I will be here with a hug and a box of tissues. You mean the world to me and when you are ready I would like to continue our friendship.

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 2:54 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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