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Has anyone else disrupted an adoption? Did you feel sorry for the PAPs?

We disrupted our grandson's adoption!!! We were very careful and had to be very sneaky and somewhat dishonest to throw off the PAP's and our grandson's mother
(who now will owe child support ...haha....).I do not feel sorry for the PAP's I wanted to use the same jargon the adoption industry uses...You can adopt again,just move on with your life, you'll forget etc...the adoptive parents were blind-sided but they were speaking with my grandson's mother while she lived with us.The PAP's really coached her, as did the adoption agency..I hate lying but we had to fight fire with fire..I will journal later but I don't feel sorry for the PAP's at all..I am sorry to the adoptive parents here..I know many of you are barren and your TTC led to the (last) resort of adoption...I wish I could have some empathy for Jame's PAPs but I don't I am angry....BTW I don't have any ill feelings towards most Aparents

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Asked by Kidsmamabear at 4:50 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (79)
  • What does PAPs mean, and why did you have to stop the adoption, I guess this question is a little vague and sounds a bit like you wanna be the bad guy, but maybe i'm just confused.

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 4:57 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Prospective adopted parents.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:02 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I am wondering why you felt it necessary to intercede? If GC's birth mom didn't want to raise him, why didn't you just adopt the child yourself?

    I think the PAP's must be devastated....those words of condolense mean nothing to people who wanted nothing more than to love and raise a terrible for them. It's almost like they had a miscarriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I understand you wanted your grandson.
    But to feel angry towards to PAPs is a little harsh.
    Can you imagine how they might be feeling?
    I've lost a child, physically, and want to adopt now and I can't imagine going through what they've been through. It must be devestating.
    And are you and your husband young enough to be there for that child when they're 20, 30, 40? Are you sure you weren't just being selfish and thinking of yourself instead of the child???

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • that's what i am thinkin!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Was the disruption an act of love on your part or an act to win? Did you discus this with the BM? How does she feel about your disrupting this adoption. As for the PAPs, I do feel for them. It's heartbreaking to be on that side.........I can imagine. Have a little compassion, put yourself in their shoes. You seem quite callous and seem to be acting as though this child is a "prize" and not a child.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:36 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

    Our grandchild's mother tried to trick us..I will post in my journal later..She was very manipulative. The PAPs helped her with her lies etc. My son ALWAYS wanted to parent this child. He was deployed and she still remained in our home. I taped her phone conversations when she wouldn't marry my son. She was very crafty. I am not bitter on the whole just angry with this isolated situation. I am, however angry with the adoption industry and the manner in which they attempted to swindle my son out of his child..I mean come on this baby is HIS also!!! My son is serving our country and they try and pretend he is a dead beat...we provided all the support.......I know I am not the only mother of a son who almost or did lose a grandchild to adoption or abortion!! I commend those who open their hearts to foster child adoption but infant adoption needs reform..BTW why so many anonymous answers????

    Answer by Kidsmamabear at 5:58 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Honestly-I'm questioning your intentions here. I mean-I can understand that you want whats best for your grandson, but from what you are saying you are acting like you taking this child is like winning a battle or something. It doesn't sound to me like you are acting in the best interest of the child....but out of spite almost towards the birthmother. (Keep in mind-I'm going off of your question-which seems harsh to me.)
    Those PAP's must be absolutely devestated. It is truly like losing a child-a child that they may not be able to have on there own. Why would you feel anger towards them? They wanted to give your grandson a loving home...

    Answer by Erin62406 at 5:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • As to the poster asking about my gs will be raised by his FATHER who is due home from Iraq soon!!!! My son will parent his child and is very proud to do what father's do for their children!!

    Answer by Kidsmamabear at 6:03 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Erin- honestly it was a battle which it didn't have to be when my son's attorney contacted the PAPs. We shouldn't have had to lose our loved and WANTED infant. The PAPs were given the chance for this not to go to court..they tried to threaten my son and our family with saying they would close the adoption...well the adoption was even final.....My son felt like he lost his son as well...they wanted the battle..we just wanted our baby...

    Answer by Kidsmamabear at 6:23 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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