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Not sure this can really be answered..

how does one gain more confidence? Yea I grew up put down by both my parents often...but how can I unlearn my insecurities??

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Consider seeing a psychitrist. Maybe it will help talking to an outside party. Someone who doesnt know you and wolnt judge you.

    Answer by CoreyLynn at 4:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • You can see a therapist. Also pick up some self help books if you cant afford therapy. They usually have alot of books at barnes and noble that arent to expensive. They can give good advice. And look in the mirror and tell yourself everyday you are worth the world.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:00 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • If there were an easy answer, there'd be no need for psychiatrists and the pharmaceutical industry would be broke! Seriously though, i've been there and done that. For now, I'd start with small victories...set small goals and then achieve them. You'd be surprised at how that can make a difference. Make up your mind that you are God's child (if you believe in Him) and that he created you for a DO matter. You ARE important. Set about proving yourself RIGHT. One thing about getting older...the things that I used to beat myself up about 20 years ago just don't matter anymore. I choose to look at the things I HAVE done....

    Answer by companygoddess at 5:01 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I'm really into yoga, it really settles my mind. I know this might not be the answer your looking for but its cheaper than therepy and you make great friends.

    Answer by Farrahann at 5:02 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • look in the mirror every day and no matter how you feel about yourself that day say "i am beautiful just the way i am" worked for me, took a long time though {bout a year}.

    Answer by chyna_doll at 5:16 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • You have to quit saying bad things about yourself. Catch yourself every time you say anything negative and replace it with a positive.
    It might sound corny but it helps a LOT.
    For example: When you catch yourself saying something like, "I hate the way I look in these pants." Stop, take it back, and replace it with something like "I've got the sexiest haircut of anyone I know"
    If you're not sure what to say, make a list of all the things you like about yourself. If you don't like anything, INVENT stuff to like about yourself. Seriously.
    Put positive post-its all over your house. Write little sayings on them like, "Smile, you're beautiful" and "You are blessed" and "Today is a beautiful day". Put them places where you'll see them all the time, like the bathroom mirror or the dashboard of your car.

    Answer by kimberleee382 at 5:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Well,that really bothers me that your parents did that, and I am sorry that they did. If they had been better parents you wouldn't have this problem. I know you realize that you need help since you asked for it. If you can afford a psychiatrist go, if you can't, go to a clergy person(didn't say man or woman). If you know of someone who is easy to talk to , go to them. Sometimes other people can help you.If you want, I will talk to you. Its the asking for help thats the hardest, after that, you got it.

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:20 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Also- JOURNAL. When your thoughts are swarming about in your head, it's hard to concentrate on anything good. When you put them down on paper, your brain can take a break from them for awhile. When you come back to read it, your brain will see the problem written on paper and automatically switch into problem-solving mode. If you're too scared to read over it, or you don't want anyone to see it-- burn it.

    Answer by kimberleee382 at 5:21 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • And one more thing before I'll quit hogging your Question.

    You have to forgive your parents.

    This is the hardest part, and the most important part. You don't have to forget. You don't have to ever speak to them again... but you have to forgive FOR YOURSELF- not for them. You have to accept that everything they did and said was a reflection of their own bitterness and unhappiness and insecurities. It had NOTHING to do with YOU. The sooner you can come to understand that, the sooner you can LIVE FOR YOURSELF and be HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. No one can have your happiness-- that belongs to YOU alone.

    Answer by kimberleee382 at 5:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Yoga is good. Prayer. Doing volunteer work. Self-affirmation: "I am beautiful. I am smart. I am loving." Thinking about the other person and realizing that everyone has doubts. If you are afraid of a situation, think ahead what the worst possible outcome could be and how you would deal with it, after that anything else will seem easier. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 6:01 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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