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How will it be after I marry him?

So my fiance and I are getting married soon and we both attend different churches. He is baptist and is much more religious than I am for the most part, and I attend a Lutheran church casually. Well he told he that he believes that with him being the man he has a obligation to God to be the head of the house, and that I should be submission. Well what exactly does this entail? Is it a control situation or what exactly, and how will it be if we are married and I agree?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • When I told my friend I was getting married, she asked me if there was anything I would change about my husband-to-be. When I said no, she said good because whatever bugs you now you're going to have to live with for the rest of your life. There are different ideas of submission - you should probably talk to your husband about what his is. There is a group on here about submissive wives and that group seems to me to be focused on a lack of needing to control the relationship and allow the husband to make decisions without question. It doesn't mean he is your master. As long as your husband allows you to relinquish control while respecting you and treating you as a queen, it's really not submitting (sh! don't tell!). Better get this all out on the table BEFORE you get married.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:28 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • There is no where that says a woman is to be in submission. Women are equal to men...........PERIOD. It drives me nuts when I hear men using religion as an excuse to control. Yes, a man is to be the head of the household, take care of the family in every aspect of the word. But you submitting is not part of the deal.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:28 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I have a GREAT book to suggest to you, if you're interested in the title and reading an excerpt send me a message =)
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 5:28 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • I'm guessing what he means is... the bible says that the men are to be the spiritual leader. He is supposed to be the one to ..... like make sure everyone is okay on their walk with God and lead and direct that way. It's not suppose to be a control issue...
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 5:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Ask HIM to outline exactly what HE believes this means. To the letter. Tell him you need to be sure you understand exactly what his expectations are, and you need to share your expectations with him.

    Do this before you get any further into your plans. Better to find out NOW that the two of you can't come to an agreement and decide not to marry, than to get married and find you're both miserable.

    Love doesn't conquer all if you use it to hide from the truth.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:16 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • How the Bible means it and how he interprets it are 2 different things. Women are supposed to be submisive, but not less important. I'd ask him to tell you what he means by that specifically. Don't let him be vague.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 6:44 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Tell him to GET REAL marriage is an equal partnership.... and you will NOT be submissive!!!!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 7:07 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Could mean anything really. It could mean he wants you to be submissive to him or it could mean he expects you to either convert to his religion and raise your kids in it. You the one that is around him does he seem like the type that wants to dominate you? Does he order you around a lot? There is just too many ways to take that statement. We don't know what context he said it in and we don't know him personally so it is hard to tell. One good way is look at the relationship his parents have that is probably going to be what he expects of you. That is his normal so that is what he is going to want.

    babyfat5

    Answer by babyfat5 at 7:28 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • hopefully, you know him well enough to know whether he is wanting to lead the family spiritually, or if he's controlling (in other areas as well). being the leader of the family, and being controling(geez, 2 'll's or 1 'l'...neither looks right tonight) are two different things. if he's to be the spiritual leader of the family, and expects you to submit to his leading(not selfish desires/demands), then he's to respect you, as christ does the church. submission to someone/something that is respectful and loving is not a bad thing. but sometimes true submission gets lost, and physical/emotional submission takes over...that's not a good thing. do you want to be more involved in church, his or yours? this is important stuff to hammer out before you wed. as a family, we diligently prayed and looked for one church to be 'our' home. its worked much better for us, though neither of us grew up in our present church/denomination.
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 7:52 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • Yes we are to be submissive, but they are also to treat us like the church! I say...I"m not submissive because he doesn't treat me like the church. Trust me after being married for almost 12 years....you need to have marrital counceling before you get married!!! He will "not" change after you get married. I'd want to know exactley what he thinks submissive is and what both of your roles would be! Tell him not to go spouting off words if he doesn't know what they mean. sorry, but that word just ticks me off!

    I may have to answer for this someday, but I think that word should be removed from the bible and me and God are going to have a sit down talk about this someday...trust me! It makes me see freaking flames!!!! If my husband treated me like he should I might have more appreciation for the word.
    abearshug

    Answer by abearshug at 8:13 PM on Dec. 1, 2008

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