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Co-works getting to me...

Okay, where to start. There is a lady at work; she's like 48 - 50 yrs old. I'm 36. Anyhow, I took a new position a few years ago and she took over my old position. Anyhow, so we became friends, as I helped her learn my old job.
Everything was okay for about the first year. Now, I see her complaining more then working. I recently stopped helping her because I just wanted her to shut up and do her job. Not just complaining to me but to anyone who's listening to her. AND she's gone on vacation the past two years darning her busy season - she's planned a vacation again this year. SO, this will be the third year I'll be asked to cover her while she's gone, through her busiest week of the year. Very Frustrated at that.
NOW, to the personal reason: there is a married guy who's in "out group, eats lunch at the same table and breaks" He constantly tells her she's beautiful and comments on her large breast. He's Married! Anyhow, at first I thought "I feel sorry for her, not having the self worth to stand up for herself and tell him to stop it and to respect her" BUT then, a few days ago, He made the comment that she forgot to remind him to her how beautiful she is. SO, Now I'm thinking, she's getting off on the attention.
Today, at lunch I had to get up and leave. It was comment after, comment about her large breast.
I'm thinking, can we not eat lunch without speaking about her body parts. OMG...
My personal interest: Also, in "our group" is a guy, who I'd dated a few years ago, we broke up several years ago but are still friends. He doesn't want to seem "un-cool" I guess - SO, he adds in on the comments.
MY PROBLEM: there are others that sit with us and/or around "our group" daily. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't stand to be around A> the married guy, hitting on this other chic or B> this chic that feeds on this married mans comments about her body.
SO.... tomorrow, I plan on skipping my breaks and going to lunch at least an hour later - to not be in the room at the same time. BUT I don't want to hurt anyone else's feels - these people are my co-works and friends. AND no, I don't want to go to management - these two feed off each other, I think! And I don't want to come off as jealous, cuz I feel sorry for his wife and her if she needs to feed off his comments.
Okay, maybe this turned into a rant more then a question.
Thanks for reading and any comments will be helpful.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Apr. 13, 2011 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • if you are offended by the comments you have every right to go to management. AND while she is on vacation I would do her job 10000000x better than she does and 1000x better than YOU did when you had the position.....maybe they will see she is subpar.....good luck

    Answer by brypmom at 10:25 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Is she dressing according to the dress code? I wouldn't want to cause trouble either. But it's not going to end and it sounds like she is eating it up, literally. Does she know he is married? I wish I had something to tell you, but I hope that all of this works out at some point. I do wish you luck.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:21 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • The only thing that I would do is, assuming you have the same boss, comment to the boss, "Boy, if I had only known that you would approve a vacation during the busiest time of the year I would have asked for that week off a long time ago." I would say nothing about the content of the conversation during lunch. And I wouldn't even worry about anybody's feelings as far as switching my lunch time. Heck I might get in the habit of going out for lunch, maybe buy some shoes after hitting McDonalds!

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 8:39 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • I see a major sexual harassment lawsuit brewing; the owners can be held liable for the comments of idiots

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:04 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • It's just annoying to me. The former boyfriend, still calls me every evening. This evening, I did not answer the phone. I know, him and I are still friends. So, I don't think it's being jealous. I broke things off with him, for my own reasons. I can take the occasional comment here and there BUT this has become an everyday occurance <-- Everyday, at least 10 minutes of talking about her body in some sort of comments. It's just getting old, hearing it everyday!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:39 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Her constant complaining can be mentioned to your's driving down your morale, etc. Ask management their plan for covering the co worker's vacation. If it's assumed that YOU will cover, you deserve more compensation. As for the verbal harassment, why are you not reporting this to your manager, HR person, etc.? I would DEFINTELY say something.


    Answer by 1smartcookie at 1:04 PM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • You are being sexually harassed! Doesn't matter if the comments are not directed at you. I was a HR Director for years before kids and dealt with this all the time. I would talk to HR (if they're competent) and file a complaint. this behavior in the workplace is inexcusable. If HR isn't active in everyday management go to your boss!

    Answer by crayburn001 at 8:03 AM on Apr. 16, 2011