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At a loss.

I feel like my toddler twins aren't happy. I mean they're generally happy kids, sweet, lovable, adorable. but they just spend so much time of their days whining and crying because theyre fighting with each other, getting into things they shouldn't be getting into and therefore being scolded/put in time outs. in the evenings they are always so cranky and upset.
i live with my mom and she helps me get them to sleep at night. i know our routine isn't working. but anyway, shes always so stressed out and tired at the end of the day that she is cranky too. i know that I'M not happy here. but i also feel like they are unhappy too and it just makes me feel so unbelievely hopeless because, while I'm willing to change our evening routine in anyway so that it works better, i dont know how to or what to do ( i am open to any suggestions/plan for that)

i just want to move out but I don't have anywhere to go, or any support to figure it out. i just dont know what to do.

Answer Question
 
ElsaSalsaaa

Asked by ElsaSalsaaa at 11:38 PM on Apr. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,139 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Try a whole new routine. Take the kids to a park (weather permitting) and let them wear themselves out. I totally agree that if momma ain't happy... ain't nobody happy! Kids have amazing senses and can tell when you are stressed or unhappy. You obviously know that your routine isn't working, so just switch it up a bit if you can, trial and error!

    Do bathtime at night... maybe have your mom take one and you the other, so they each have some one on one time in the evening. ???

    Just some suggestions.. hope that helps get the ball rolling! Good luck!
    KTurner4

    Answer by KTurner4 at 11:44 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • Switch up your routine. Also, if you and your mom are both stressed, the kids can pick-up on that stress and be stressed themself. How old are they? it's summer, maybe some outside play time in the evenings, fresh air is good for all of you and sun shine. Plus, it'll make them tired.Good luck - Hang in there...
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 11:45 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • i'm trying to cut out as much time makin gmy mom have them as possible because thats part of the stress is that she watches them when im in class in the mornings for a few hours, and she wont just let me worry about them on my own the rest of the day, she acts like she HAS to help me and she just does shit herself and then throws it back in my face later.

    theyre 18 months. i plan on taking them on walks or bike rides when its warmer but its still only like 50 here and its raining so we still can't really do much outside time.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Comment by ElsaSalsaaa (original poster) at 11:58 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

  • I have 7 kids and am pregnant with #8. I think every one of my children were cranky and whiney at 18 months! This too shall pass. The one thing I can say is RELISH the assistance that your mom is willing to give you. Yep...she very well may get tired and cranky...but you are blessed enough to have HELP. Just think about how much stress you would have if you had your own place, worrying about paying rent and the bills, taking care of twins all by yourself with no help...talk about stress...you would be stressed to the max.

    Maybe if your mom wants to watch them in the afternoons, let her. You take a nap or whatever to chill out. Then let mom have the evening off while you take care of them.
    7blessings

    Answer by 7blessings at 12:18 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • its not like that. its not like she graciously helps me. well i mean she DOES I AM blessed. I have a roof over my head, i have my parents, i KNOW I'm blessed but its not a haven. she is emotionally abusive, emotionally malnipulative and a control freak. oh and physically abusive towards my dad. half the time she is "helping" me she is just DOING it for me, without being asked, or without asking, and then throws it in my face that she did it. if i do something like, do the dishes, it doesn't matter if i did them five minutes before or after she would/did, i didnt do it when SHE thought of it so it wasn't good enough. if its not her way or her thought, its not right. I really need to do this on my own but she wont let me.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Comment by ElsaSalsaaa (original poster) at 12:19 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • and she wont take time off. even when i suggest it to her. "why dont you go to the library" she starts yelling at me that she can't because she has to deal with my dad (he is a control freak too and calls her constantly if she goes somewhere by herself) or ill say why dont you go to starbucks or something and she screams at me that i'm telling her what to do. she will NOT take time off.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Comment by ElsaSalsaaa (original poster) at 12:21 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Wow...something definitely needs to be changed. What time do you put the twins to bed? Do they sleep through the night?
    7blessings

    Answer by 7blessings at 12:25 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • Do you put them down for a nap? If so, what time. I am assuming that your Mom doesn't work outside the home?
    7blessings

    Answer by 7blessings at 12:27 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • its kind of different every night but usually between 8-9 sometimes as early as 730 sometimes as late as 930 or 10. depends on when they go down tto nap, or if they dont nap orr when they napped. ugh its all over the place.
    and no, taden wakes up a bit here and there during the night which wouldn't be a problem if he could fall back asleep on his own and could sleep in his crib
    and ty wakes up at least once at night, which is when i put him in my b ed because some nights im just too tired to try and fuss with keeping him in his crib.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Comment by ElsaSalsaaa (original poster) at 12:27 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

  • they used to nap around 1130/12 but lately for some reason its been like 2/3! we aren't sure why they dont nap as early anymore. we still get up at 630 because i have to get up to go to class. if they nap at 2 we dont let them sleep past 3 but if they sleep at 12 they can sleep until ike 2. somedays they sleep more than other days. somedays they wake up on their own or we have to wake them up. so all those factors affect when they go to sleep in the evening.
    and no my mom stopped working a few years ago when she was taking care of my nephew.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Comment by ElsaSalsaaa (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Apr. 14, 2011

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